Miss W -->

   Tuesday, August 24, 2004  

Random thoughts

Back from vacation. Perhaps one of the best weeks of my recent life. We went to visit my family and we took our babies. Our two, sweet, precious, cuddly, extremely active and overly vociferous siamese cats. Yes, we drove for twelve hours, in a Pontiac Vibe, with TWO siamese cats. Interestingly, this did not bother me in the least.

We arrived at my parents' house to learn it was the first week of school there, so my mom was going to be babysitting my brother's two year old son. The most adorable boy on the planet (who told his very first joke in my car: "What mells? Somethin' mells! Its Unca Got! Unca Got mells like poop! My tell a joke!!!!") It was an odd feeling, spending so much time with a toddler after all that I've been through this year. It sounds stupid to say it, but it was, well, bittersweet. It hurt so bad knowing that my brother (who had spent years thinking, for I have no idea what reason, that he could not father a child) has such a beautiful son, and that I may not ever get to that point.

I'm in sort of an odd place. We made a plan with Dr. P for where we are going. My husband and I are ready to begin trying, and should ovulate around the end of the week/middle of next week. I find myself both excited at the prospect, while at the same time shaking in terror. I don't know what to expect. I know I can't get excited even if I do get a positive test. I've lost that ability to be happy at the thought of pregnancy. For me, and for many who have suffered as I have, happiness is hidden beneath the fear.

   [ posted  @ 12:53 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (0) ]
   [ E-mail this Post ]

  Comments about my post, "Random thoughts":

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
February 2010
May 2010
June 2010
March 2011
April 2011
August 2011

A Little Pregnant
Barren Mare
Broken or Not
Chez Miscarriage
Fractured Fairytale
Here Be Hippogriffs
Horkin Ramblings
Never Ever Late
One Pink Line
The RE's Muse
Scrambled Eggs
So Close
Uncommon Misconception
The Unproductive Reproductive
Wasted Birth Control

[=Powered By=]

[=Designed By=]

Customized by Miss W
Scripts / Code by "Mr. W"

Send Miss W. E-Mail!