Miss W -->

   Monday, October 31, 2005  

Showing off the lowercase...

Here is Baby W at two hours old!

The hoses you see to his head are not providing oxygen or breathing for him, they are just there to keep the airways open and to feed oxygen if needed. According to all the doctors, he is a superstar for being able to hold out without any assistance at this age.

I have never cried like this in my life.

-Mr. W.

   [ posted  @ 7:29 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (26) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Showing off the lowercase...":
Congratulations, and here's hoping you can take him home soon
What a cute little Halloween Pumpkin! Here's hoping he continues to do amazingly well, and that Mom is doing fine, too!

You both must be just thrilled with him. *Sniff!*
Wow! So tiny! Congratulations to all of you. We'll hope and pray that all continues to go well.
Don't remember how I found your site, but am delurking to say congratulations and I'm keeping my fingers crossed for all of you! I'm 19 weeks pregnant with my first, and almost cried myself at your cute baby's photo.
Delurking to offer sincere congratulations.
Congrats! I can't wait to see more pics of the lowercase!
Wow, I go away for one weekend.....

Congratulations on your healthy little boy.

So glad that he's breathing on his own.

He's beautiful.
Congratulations! Hope he continues to do wonderfully and mom is feeling okay.
CONGRATULATIONS!! He is gorgeous and so strong--and I'm thrilled to hear that he's doing so well as is Miss W. How I hope the time flies by until he's ready to come home.

Jeez--see what I missed thanks to Wilma? No power or DSL makes for one slow-on-the-good-news me! But I was so happy to see your news when I finally got to check in. Please give my congrats and love to the missus (and to you and the lowercase too).
My congratulations disappeared so here they are again:

Happy Birthday baby w! Welcome to the world. I hope you get to go home soon with your mom and dad.

Congrats to all!
Congratulations and Happy Birthday to the lowercase!

[Drying tears.....]
How absolutely incredible he is. Congratulations and best wishes to all of you. You did good Miss W. Real damn good.
Congratulations! Your whole family is in my thoughts. :-)
Holy Crap! I just got home and Bamb here he is. Mazel Tov! Congrats! Weeeeeeeeee! That's wonderful news may he grow quickly and be home in your arms very soon.
Congratulations and very best wishes. Hope he's home soon and Miss W is doing well, too!

Oh my GOD!

He's gorgeous and clearly a strong little fighter like his mama.
WOW! Congratulations. A lurker from NYC. I just started reading about 2 weeks ago and there he is! You guys are doing great, as will he. Now what is his name????
So so glad he's doing so well. Congratulations to you both and hoping it's all goodness and strong growth from here on up.
Good Golly...he's STUNNING! Congratulations and best wishes to the new Momma, Daddy and little W.
Congratulations. I'm so happy you are all healthy and happy. Really thinking of you right now, as I've been lurking for months. :) Take care!
Congratulations on ws' arrival. I am so proud of both of you. He sounds like a nice strong baby being able to breathe on his own.

My love to all of you.
CONGRATULATIONS on the birth of your beautiful boy! Much love and courage to you all. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
OMG.. Congratulations and praying that you can get him home soon and safely...
congratulations! I wish you good health and happy days ahead!!!
He is so tiny and I am glad he is doing well, I went away for the w-e and baby W came! Wow! I am thinking of him.


Baby W is here!

Baby W. was born at 4:12am via c-section. He was 2 lbs. 11 oz.and 13.25" long. He is doing amazingly fine. He is breathing on his own. He reached out and grabbed my finger. He never cried, though he did coo when I brought him up to Miss W.'s face. I held him for about five to ten minutes. He is small but beautiful. And...he has hugefeet. Once things calm down and I have a moment to get my card reader, I will post photos. We are in holding now waiting for the team of pediatricians to finish checking him out and getting him situated in the nursery.

-Mr. W.

   [ posted  @ 4:12 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (4) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Baby W is here!":
oh oh oh oh, I'm crying.....I want to be happy but he's so small. Oh g-d I hope everyone is well. Congratulations! Give her my love.
You are all in my thoughts and I hope he continues to do well. Poor little thing in this big scary world.
Much love to all of you!!!!
Thinking of you all and wishing you so much love.

My thoughts & prayers for everyone.
and of course, silly me -


   Saturday, October 29, 2005  

D1d Mi$$ W 3m@il y0u?

Apparently some of you had the interesting opportunity to exchange e-mails with Miss W or, better still, got comments on your blogs from her. Now, in her much more sober state, she wishes to apologize. She was not able to type so she was using the mouse to type using the nifty 'On Screen Keyboard' in Windows XP. I saw some of the messages and they were quite interesting. I nearly dug out my decoder ring from a 1984 box of Honey Comb. =)

The update is that there is no update. No news is currently good news. Contractions are still far apart. We're waiting for the meds to get fully cutoff tomorrow morning. Then we'll really know where we are. We will post another update after the doctors evaluate her tomorrow.

-Mr. W.

   [ posted  @ 10:00 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (5) ]
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  Comments about my post, "D1d Mi$$ W 3m@il y0u?":
I thoroughly enjoyed the email Ms.W sent me. I pretended I understood it so she wouldn't be insulted......
While I can't say that I like the circumstances, I do like that we are getting to meet Mr. W, just a bit. You're funny, too!

Fingers crossed that things stay stable when the meds are out of her system. Thanks for the frequent updating.
Hoping for stability...really..
MisS W.

I have only just tuned in....I feel like such an ass now for commenting earlier that you will piss this whole pregnancy thing in (in case that was another Aussism lost on Amerincans, that means "you'll be fine").

I am sorry that you have gone into labour early. Hopeing the drugs and rest will work well. Will be checking in all the time now...
Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Mr W, please keep us updated.


Waiting and hoping...

Miss W is still in the hospital. Overnight she was moved from the high-risk labor and delivery area to a standard maternity room. Her contractions have slowed to one every fifteen minutes and have lessened in intensity. We're kind of in a holding pattern now until all the drugs wear off. If the contractions stay at the reduced level or stopped, that's the best scenario. Otherwise they will seek other options. Ideally she will remain in the hospital for the next two weeks while Baby W matures. More updates will be posted as the situation changes.

-Mr. W

   [ posted  @ 10:00 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (2) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Waiting and hoping...":
damn! hold on lowercase!
Hoping for the best and lowercase stays put for as long as possible. So glad you are in a stable place and that there was time for the steroid shots.

   Friday, October 28, 2005  

Live from Labor and Delivery...it's Friday morning?

Last night Mr. W arrived home from work at about 2:30am. At 4:50am, I woke to sharp pains. At peak, the contractions were spaced about 2 to 3 minutes apart with 13 in one hour before waking Mr. W at 6:00am. By 6:30am, we checked in to Labor and Delivery to find that I was 3cm dialated and 90% effaced. They immediately put me on a magnesium sulfate IV to slow or stop the contractions. I also received the steroid shot for lung development. The second steroid shot is scheduled for tomorrow morning.

At this time, the baby is still breech. Contractions were not slowing enough so an additional medication was dispensed called Endicine. They have since slowed and here I lay in bed waiting to see what's next. Contractions no longer hurt, however, they are still very regular at about 5-7 minutes apart. My parents have started the lengthy drive from the Midwest to be with me. For all I know, the baby could be born tomorrow, in a few days or hold out until his due date.

We've met with the team from anesthesia and NICU. They are prepared for a C-section when the time comes.

Updates will come when available and I am not too groggy.

   [ posted  @ 7:30 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (4) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Live from Labor and Delivery...it's Friday morning?":
Best of luck to you and your baby!
Man, I'm so sorry this is happening to you! I just got home after fighting a bout with preterm labor at 24 weeks and have been through the whole magnesium sulphate, indomethacin nightmare... not fun.
I hope the lowercase manges to squat in your uterus a little longer... if not, best of luck with your delivery.
I''l keep you in my thoughts.
Dammit, dammit, dammit. Stay IN there, little w! It is SO much nicer inside than out.

I'm so sorry it's gone this far. I was VERY worried when I read your comment on my post this morning.

I'm glad you've got such a good team taking care of you. Hang in there - this must be very scary.

Ok, little dude, you know what you have to do.
It sounds like all the bases are covered. Let's just hope that the lowercase decides to settle in for a bit longer.
Thinking of you and hoping things calm down soon.

   Thursday, October 27, 2005  

Holy hell the contractions!

I tried to post about this yesterday but I clicked "publish" at exactly the same time that our broadband connection hiccupped. Lost the whole damn post. But there's more to it tonight.

I am stupid. I am very very stupid. I, stupidly, assumed that the "stoach cramps" I was having were related to the antibiotic I'm on. I had read that it can cause stomach pain so that's what I passed it off as. It isn't really contractions. Big deal that they come about every 10-15 minutes. That doesn't prove anything. Besides, it's in my lower stomach and not like when my entire stomach gets hard with the painless Braxton Hicks I've had.

So I had these off and on all day. Each time there would be enough of them close together that I thought I should call the doctor, they went away. Proving my theory that it was nothing. Except they did not ever completely go away. They stopped for an hour, but came back. ALL. DAMN. DAY. Ten minutes apart for 40 minutes, none for an hour, 2 in the next hour, none for 20 minutes then every 15 minutes, then none for 45 minutes... you get the idea. No pattern. No changes in intensity from one to the next to speak of. Sure one might be really hard but the next one not so much.

Finally I decided at 9:00 that if my peris weren't the ones actually on call in the hospital it would be better to call the on-call pager early so that the doctor would be awake. At 9:00 I called. The doctor told me that it all sounds very normal for where I am and that it likely isn't causing my cervix to change. He felt that if I had more than six in an hour I should come in to labor and delivery and that if I got really worried I could come in without getting to that point but that he felt the best bet was to wait the night out. Keep track of the contractions, drink lots of water, stay in bed. I don't have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow (Friday) so he wants me to call at 8:30 when the secretary gets in and schedule an appointment to get everything checked out.

I really want to make it another four weeks minimum (that gets me through the childbirth classes that start next week) but would prefer to go another five. But damn. If I'm going to contract like this the rest of the time? All day? With no pattern? And nothing making them stop (left side, right side, back, sitting, standing -- still there)? All I can say is HOLY HELL! And I know they only get worse when it's time to deliver. From someone who has never had menstrual cramp one in her life (you hate me, don't you?) this is already kicking my ass.

(And yes, I am a big whiny bitch. Sue me! I've been in bed for three months people...I think I have earned complaining rights. Also? The lowercase takes after his mother. He is kicking his complaints about these contractions, too!)

   [ posted  @ 11:26 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (3) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Holy hell the contractions!":
I am so sorry you're suffering, but I was on the edge of my chair the whole time I was reading, afraid you'd rushed to the hospital to find out you were in labor and that they'd had to stop it with drugs. Thank god that's not happening.

I do hope you don't have to endure contractions for weeks on end (but rather that you can just keep on keepin on for five or so more weeks WITHOUT the contrax).
You haven't posted since yesterday. Are you okay? Is the baby okay? I know you don't know me from Adam (who the hell is Adam anyway), but check in. Or email me at mabelsmuse at gmail dot com. I'm worried about you girl. (((Hugs))) and healthy mom and baby vibes coming your way.
Hoping everything turned out OK and the uterus went back into relax mode. Calm calm uterus.


29 weeks

I can't believe I'm only a week away from 30.

I really hope I make it at least to that point, preferably much further.

Last night Mr. W was really worried. I had fairly painful contractions every 10 minutes. Thankfully it only lasted for 40 minutes. I had another one 15 minutes later but then nothing. I have had two this morning. I'm staying on my side as much as possible (left side until my hip hurts so bad I have to go to the right -- spending so much time on my sides, my hip bones have become very sensitive).

This whole pregnancy thing is really starting to get to me. I just am not very good at it.

   [ posted  @ 9:27 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (7) ]
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  Comments about my post, "29 weeks":
You are doing so well, your patience and good humour through this is inspiring.

I'm thinking sticky thoughts at the lowercase. Stay in, little baby. Stay in!
It is tough, and tougher things are to come but you will be SO proud of what you have accomplished! Hold on, hold on. Sorry, I saw that bit on Oprah last night.....
You're really doing great! I don't know any woman who isn't complaining about pain & soreness at this point in her pregnancy....and most of them aren't dealing with being on bedrest or any of that other crap, either. Keep your chin up, you're doing fine!
Hurrah for 29 wks. May you make it to 30. You are pretty good at this chica considering all you have been through. Hope lowercase w sticks for a bit longer.
I'm so glad you've made it to 29. C'mon 30!!! And then some!
I just found your blog, we are trying and hoping my high blood pressure won't be too much of a problem. Reading your experiences had helped me understand the ups and downs. Thanks.
Well done on making it to 29w. I think you going to pull off this pregnancy thing allright.

   Wednesday, October 26, 2005  

So gross!

This whole mucus thing? SO disgusting!!!

I had literally about a handful of it earlier today. Some of it is tan-ish in color. Once there was a streak of bright red blood in it.

I know logically that there is blood because there was an internal exam yesterday that was really fucking painful. At first they used the normal speculum which was seriously not working for me. No vaginal action for nearly 28 weeks does not allow the normal things to go in easily. They had to pull out a teeny-tiny speculum which STILL hurt like hell.

If however I still have any blood or brown by Friday morning, I will go in.

I've had a few more Braxton Hicks -- Monday night they were about every 15-30 minutes for 2 hours. Not painful at any point, but uncomfortable. None yesterday but a couple today. I also have some muscle pain in the lower right portion of my abdomen. But the lowercase is active today and I'm content to believe that all is well.

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   Tuesday, October 25, 2005  

Doctor's report

I have bacterial vaginosis. The only symptom that I'm displaying is an increase in mucus-y discharge. Supposedly there is a smell associated with the discharge, especially after sex, but being that I haven't had sex since, oh, the day after ovulation 20-odd weeks ago....wouldn't notice that.

The infection (according to webmd) can lead to pre-term labor and uterine infection, so it is treated with a course of antibiotics. At least it's something we can take care of. I was sooo worried this morning.

   [ posted  @ 1:20 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (6) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Doctor's report":
But does this shit ever end? How does a vagina that never sees the light of day get an infection like that? Sorry if I'm being crass....
Glad everything is a-ok. Well, kinda. You know what I mean.
Almost to 29 weeks... :)
You're doing so well.
Oh, I've had that. Glad it's something relatively minor. It made me appreciate yeast, since the yeast and the bacteria keep eachoter in check, normally. Like, I think I treated a yeast infection that I didn't have, and ended up with BV for my trouble. Seven days of goop.
Yay for TREATABLE diagnoses! You are chaste and still end up with a funky crotch. That hardly seems fair!
Wishing you and the lower case well.
Jesus Christ people! I'm EATING here!
I'm glad that it turned out to be something relatively benign. I had BV during my first pregnancy and the antibiotics cleared it up *like that*! FWIW, BV is a very common thing to get while pg--whether you're having sex or not. SO happy to see that things are going well...


A day with no worry? Impossible!

For me, a worry-free day is something that eludes me.

I don't know that I've posted this. Or maybe I have. I've had a lot of cervical mucus for several days. In fact, I had it checked out 2.5 weeks ago and they said all was well.

Starting Friday afternoon, every time I go to the bathroom, it looks like I've blown my nose into the toilet paper in amount, color, and consistency. I'm really afraid that's the mucus plug as many people have told me that they had that a week to a day before they delivered. Still others tell me that it can't be that because that would be a lot more all at once and would contain blood. This, quite obviously, does not. It's just a whole lotta nose blow.

I spoke to one of the nurse practitioners yesterday and she said that I could come in for cultures this week. There was a lot more last night and a lot when I woke up this morning, so I called. I go in at 11 am to have it checked out. I'm nervous about it but confident she's going to tell me that it's nothing more than normal mucus and my cervix is still tightly closed and sealed. Still, anything different and I don't want to waste time. Especially if it means steroid shots will be needed for the lowercase's lungs before something happens. But, again, I really think it's nothing. Will know by early afternoon.

   [ posted  @ 9:01 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (3) ]
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  Comments about my post, "A day with no worry? Impossible!":
Let us know how it goes. I'll be checking back frequently.
Hope that all will be ok with this. You be careful out there in that Noreaster!

Congrats on the last set of test being all ok.
At 23 weeks I have so much mucus that when I go out I wear pads to catch it all, lest I look like I'm peeing on myself! I think my body is playing tricks on me since I was *so* looking forward to skipping all the menstrual accessories for a while.

Hope yours is nothing more than plain old mucus. And if you start soaking through your underwear, try some of those teeny tiny liners!

   Monday, October 24, 2005  

The results are in

GTT from Friday: 90; NO gestational diabetes!

Preeclampsia testing, including 24 hour urine test: ALL within normal ranges. No evidence of preeclampsia!

All is normal and good right now. They will continue to watch my blood pressure more closely at each visit to be sure the high reading was a fluke.

Am feeling much better about things.

   [ posted  @ 5:08 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (4) ]
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  Comments about my post, "The results are in":
yay! yay yay yay yay!!
Oh, great news! I'm so relieved. Hope you can catch up on some of that lost sleep. I have a pretty bad case of "White coat syndrome" as my friend calls it; bp goes up every time I get near a dr.s office. So glad to hear things are OK
Hooray, Hooray! I am so glad to see those results. Have a nice quiet day with less worry!
Whoo Hoo!!!!
Now, don't kill me for saying this, but ...relax a bit. Not like, RELAX and all you have ever wished for will come true, but relax like you dodged a couple big bullets there so breathe deep and get some sleep.
So glad things are continuing well.

   Sunday, October 23, 2005  


Some time after my middle of the night post on Friday my laptop decided to die. Sort of. For whatever reason even though all options were set up right, it quit remembering my cookies and displaying messages that said I couldn't submit html forms. No gmail. No blogger. No commenting on others' blogs.

Everything else worked, but that didn't. So rather than take the time to try to figure it all out, Mr. W gave me his old laptop (he's had it for a year but bought a new one about a month ago). With all that he's had going on this weekend, it was easier for him to change the accounts on this one from his to mine than to screw around with my old one. Besides, this one has a larger, more clear screen.

On Saturday evening, I had Mr. W run over to Target and buy a digital blood pressure cuff so that I could keep watch on things. I haven't hit 140/90 again, but I have been in the 130/80 range (I believe it was 131/84). It's gone as low as 120/70something. But it is not down into my normal range at all.

My right hand is bruised beyond recognition from the GTT on Friday, but I am going in tomorrow morning for a blood draw anyway. They'll have to find a vein somewhere.

As of right now, I feel really terrible. I'm very weak this evening. It could be that I'm carrying a 1 gallon jug of urine back and forth from the bathroom to the kitchen every time I have to pee. In case anyone is curious it was half full before 5:00 this evening. We're not yet to 3/4 full, but I've got to collect every bit until 8 am tomorrow.

Mr. W is working as they are rolling out a new system for full usage tomorrow. He is supposed to be there until they run the presses (he's IT for a publishing company) tonight which is around midnight. I sent an IM to his phone telling him how weak I am right now (after getting up, walking to the kitchen, bringing in the jug, using the bathroom, taking the jug back to the refrigerator and then walking back to bed, I barely had the strength to crawl back into bed). I am just so tired. So tired and so very afraid. I really wish I could just ask Mr. W to come home now but I know that I can't.

   [ posted  @ 8:24 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (5) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Update":
Miss W, I'm so sorry you're feeling anxious and weak. I'm sending you a virtual backrub and a cool hand for your forehead. You've done so well! And you've made it all the way here, a much safer point. I'm hoping that a restful sleep finds you soon, and a good report tomorrow.
I hope to hear good things today but I'm scared by the weakness. I'll be checking back later....
I hope you are feeling better today sweetie. I am glad you got the blood pressure cuff. My MIL monitors hers at home and it has come in handy.
Will be checking in to see how you are doing.
Just wanted to pop my head in and tell you I've been thinking of you.

I'm glad you're feeling some better, and hoping it gets smoother for you from here.

You're doing such an amazing job. I'm so impressed by how brave you are.
Argh...sorry you're stressing about yet another alarming development! Am waiting anxiously for blood draw results.

   Saturday, October 22, 2005  

Insomnia my old friend

I can't sleep. Again. It's after 1 in the morning and yet here I am, wide awake. I'm tired. Tired as can be. But I close my eyes...and nothing. I was almost asleep once. Then Mr. W turned off the television and his laptop and promptly fell asleep. For whatever reason, once those appliances were off? I was no longer sleepy.

Or maybe I am but am panicking again. Over what is surely nothing. We tried to go out to dinner tonight but upon pulling into the lot I got a terrible stomach ache. I went to the bathroom thinking I was going to be ill, but nothing. I decided that I just wanted to be home in bed. I apologized profusely to Mr. W and came home for a dinner of Kraft EasyMac and pre-fab mashed potatoes. Eaten in bed. With a large glass of water.

The stomach pains did go away for the most part -- there is still some tenderness. I keep thinking I should go to the bathroom but I can't. I haven't gone all day so I know that I need to...but will it happen? I could take a colace, but then I fear that if this pain is something else and I go to the hospital the colace will have been a bad thing (seriously, can't go to the bathroom that way anywhere but my house and my parents' house).

So...I'm awake. And worrying about how high my blood pressure was today. Rather intelligent on my part, isn't it? To worry about something knowing that by worrying I'll actually keep it elevated. And seriously, WHY did I read every article known to Google about pre-eclampsia today? The doctor doesn't even think I actually have that! Am a very stupid woman sometimes.

   [ posted  @ 1:24 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (2) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Insomnia my old friend":
Oh, hon, I hope you got some sleep and that today has been better.
Fuck indeed about your last post. I hope that all will be ok for you and that pre-clampsia does not turn out to be an issue. Will be thinking positive thoughts for you.

   Friday, October 21, 2005  

Because what better title is there than FUCK!

Ok, so first the part that will pacify everyone and not make them worry. My son? He is beautiful. His little heart was beating away at 150 bpm. He is so damn cute. And obstinate. Let's start from the beginning with the un-fun stuff.

Arrive at doctors' office: 8:15.
Go back for GTT blood draw: 8:25.
Totally freak out first nurse who can't find a vein and doesn't think she's good at drawing from hands: 8:30.
Get new nurse who might try: 8:32.
New nurse decides to try hand: 8:35.
New nurse finally finds gloves: 8:37.
New nurse gets blood: 8:40.
New nurse realizes vein has blown and applies TIGHT bandage: 8:42 (after blood has been drawn).
Ultrasound begins: 8:45.
Ultrasound ends: 9:00.

(Interrupting timed list for details of my gloriously beautiful son. He is STILL breech! Sitting happily on his ass facing my back. But still with plenty of room and normal amounts of amniotic fluid. He is weighing in at 2 lbs 2 oz, putting him in the 24th percentile for weight. This is not unusual as babies in my family tend to be very small -- my nephew was almost 2 weeks late and weighed under 6 lbs! -- though we had been hoping he'd be large like Mr. W's faimly since he could come early. Still, is beautiful. Love him. LOVE!)

Pee in cup: 9:02.
Return to waiting room, called back for appointment: 9:08.
Blood pressure and weight check: 9:09.
Forced to lay down due to high blood pressure (140/90).

The resident came in to talk, everything looking good, but we'll take your blood pressure again before you leave. Blah blah, talk talk, answer questions. Nothing exciting there.

Resident leaves the room to confer with peri who is dealing with an emergency in another room.

After my blood pressure was taken again and found to be only slightly lower, they decided what had to be done. I needed more blood drawn to ensure I don't have pre-eclampsia. I haven't spilled any protein, but they want to make sure. Except after two nurses, only one usable vein was found and it had been blown. So, either Monday or Tuesday I have to go to the lab for that blood to be drawn. Will probably do it on Tuesday so that my veins can heal enough (it takes several days). I also have to collect my urine for 24 hours prior to going in for the draw so that can be tested as well (I have only one kidney, so we have to make sure it's fully functional with the stress of pregnancy). In the mean time? Stay in bed except for quick showers, bathroom, etc.

What we hope is that my blood pressure was up because of the anxiety I had all last night about today's appointment -- it was so bad that I couldn't fall asleep. In total I probably only had about 4 hours of actual sleep.

I also have to make an appointment with the anesthesiologists from the hospital where I'll deliver. Since I have severe scoliosis (along with my other health issues), they have to check me out to see exactly what they can do when it comes time. My next peri appointment is in two weeks, however it's going to be a very busy two weeks, what with the tests and the appointments and meeting the pediatrician on Oct. 31 and the start of childbirth classes on Nov. 3.

   [ posted  @ 10:53 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (4) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Because what better title is there than FUCK!":
I am so glad you had a good visit with the lowercase even if the rest of it sucked.
Will they schedule a C-section if he doesn't turn?
Keeping fingers crossed your blood pressure goes back down and your poor veins heal quickly.
2 whole pounds, wow! I think the blood pressure has to do with the vein blowing but I hope it's not pre-e! I think this upcoming week week will pass quickly!!
70 laurens is me, I wasn't paying attention.
Oh, boy. I am glad w is well & wonderful, but I am really sorry about the rest of it. :( Hugs to you.

   Thursday, October 20, 2005  

Twenty-eight weeks!

I've made my next mini-goal. I have reached 28 weeks. According to my peri's office, survival rates at this point are 90% with a minimum of 70% of survivors being perfectly healthy with no issues whatsoever. I have read that as many as 90% of survivors are healthy, though some of those do have learning disabilities, speech delays, etc.

Mr. W and I find ourselves terrified of the appoointment tomorrow. A lot will happen.

At 7:30 am, I will be drinking the horrid lemon-lime drink for my glucose-tolerance test. My blood will be drawn at 8:30, immediately followed by an ultrasound. Our first view of the lowercase in nearly a month. I've missed seeing him. But we're terrified that something will be wrong. He'll be small. He'll still be breech. Something. I know that it's illogical, but it's hard not to think the worst, considering.

In other news...I hate Mr. W's job! Last night his work cell had a strange beeping song. Apparently that's the pager sound. Someone had paged the on-call emergency number for a problem that was NOT an emergency. He couldn't log in to some server or program or something...which was NOT required for any time-sensitive work being done. In cases like that there are clear instructions to simply fill out a trouble ticket and it will be handled the next business day. Then Mr. W had to find out why a member of his staff who was in the building at the time didn't respond causing it to forward to our house. Turns out that his employee DID try to respond but the bastard who paged? He said "Yeah, I heard my phone ringing but I was busy so I didn't get it." What the fuck? You page someone for help and then don't answer??? And when Mr. W called (from the bed beside me) I heard the phone ring AT LEAST 12 times before he finally answered! Asshole isn't going to be happy when he comes in to work today because Mr. W did not get enough sleep (he had to be at work before Dell got there today at 7:30...he left almost 2 hours earlier than normal) and he is PISSED that he had to be awake for over an hour in the middle of the night dealing with something that wasn't important to begin with. He's going to throw a fit with the manager of the man who paged him last night as well as passing the information on to his own vice-president, who will no doubt also throw a fit at the pager's manager. I just love it when things like that happen to people who interrupt my sleep. When you're in bed as much as I am, it's rather difficult to get a good night's sleep anyway, so any interruptions piss me off to no end.

Will post tomorrow with the results of my appointment. Am kind of hoping they'll have a better idea of how much space I have left for the lowercase to grow into and how much longer it will be before he makes his entrance. I'm also hoping they'll be able to tell how likely a c-section is going to be at this point.

   [ posted  @ 9:22 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (7) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Twenty-eight weeks!":
Congratulations on making it to 28 weeks. Wonderful!
Hope all is well at your appointment.
Congratulations on your milestone and good luck at your appointment. Wave "Hi" to the lowercase for me.
Hooray for 28 weeks! Good luck at the appointment. I've got my fingers crossed for only good news.
Yay for 28 weeks!!! I hope you have a wonderful appointment with the lowercase tomorrow.
I wish it was tomorrow already
Wow - 28 weeks. Congratulations on meeting this goal. I hope the appointment goes smoothly for you tomorrow.
28 weeks is great! Congrats and keep us posted. (((hugs)))

   Monday, October 17, 2005  

Things I learned over the weekend

1. I have the largest pregnant belly anyone has ever seen.

We went to the library around 11:00 to get library cards and check out a prepared childbirth video. The one we wanted had been checked out 20 minutes before we got there, so we got another one (filmed by the ACOG in 1985. See point 3 for information on this.) While Mr. W was at the reference desk asking about the status of the video we actually wanted, a video that was touted at Sidelines, I sat down near the new fiction to see what they might have. After selecting a Mary & Carol Higgins Clark novel (The Christmas Thief if anyone is interested about the heist of a Rockefeller Center Christmas tree; an entertaining and fast read that required no thought whatsoever which of course is exactly what I was in the mood for), I joined Mr. W at the reference desk where he promptly gave up the only chair for me. The librarian asked me when I was due and I said, "Technically January but I'm expected to deliver early." She then said, "Is there just one or are there more in there??" "Just the one boy." "Yes, yes, you're definitely going early. Good luck!"

After the library, we decided that we would stop for lunch at the Red Robin that had just opened up. Of course I wasn't willing to stand in a line, so we went to Pizzeria Uno across the parking lot. Before we got to the door, a hostess came running to open it for me. When being taken to our seat a very tiny waitress laden with an extremely heavy tray stopped to let us pass, saying to the hostess, "Please, go first. You've got a pregnant woman." Every single person we passed on the way to our table (near the back and very close to the bathroom) stopped eating to stare. There were several comments to small children about how 'that lady is having a baby soon.' The hostes insisted that I sit on the booth side of the table and not in the chair as the booth was better cushioned and if I wanted I could put my feet up that way. When our appetizer didn't come until after our soup and salads, the manager came over to apologize and said that he just felt terribly about the whole situation especially due to my condition and gave us the appetizers free of charge.

2. Our across the way neighbors are having their first baby in December. Their daughter is due one month to the day before the lowercase. I find it sad that this is the first time we have really spoken to them since Mr. W moved up here full time in March. In talking to them, they mentioned that the neighbors who had just moved out have their next baby due in March. They have a daughter who is nearing 4, another who just turned two and are now expecting the third. They finally decided that with the number of kids they will have a two bedroom apartment just doesn't cut it anymore.

3. If our reaction to this video is any indication of how we will handle childbirth, we are in serious trouble.

The video showed many couples (our favorite being a couple who looked like The Karate Kid and The Karate Kid's mom) laying on an egg shaped platform. They changed positions every five minutes while the narrator said things about focal points and breathing slowly. Internal focus, external focus, blah blah blah. While watching I kept saying, "HEY -- they're counting! Why are they counting! The old man talking didn't say to count! What are they counting? Is that guy just OCD? Are we supposed to know about counting?" Mr. W's response, "Aye, young Daniel-san."

The video showed nothing about how to do the techniques and failed to give any explanation of why they would be useful, if, you know, we knew what they were. Apparently we should already have known that before watching the damn tape. The librarian is supposed to call us when the other video gets in. Hopefully this one will be better. I did sign up for the November session of the prepared childbirth video at my hospital. I had just hoped the videos would give me a bit more of an idea of what to expect in case my lowercase comes before the end of the third week of November.

4. I could have this baby within 3-4 weeks!

Ok, so that isn't shocking to most of you, but it shocked the hell out of me when I realized it yesterday afternoon. Mr. W was doing laundry and it hit me. My son could be born around 30 weeks. If he is? I have nothing. I am woefully underprepared. The lowercase has no clothing. I realize that if he is born that soon he'll have a hospital stay during which time he will not need them, but still! He has no clothes! And shouldn't we be washing them with that special baby laundry stuff? He needs things! We have to finish the registry! NOW! And holy hell, he needs a pediatrician! We have to pick one! So, we did. I think. We checked out a couple of websites and found one that I think we'll like and it's about equidistant from all 3 of the suburbs we are looking to buy a house in. My job today is to call and make sure that they are taking new patients or that they'll be able to in either November, December or January, whenever the lowercase makes his entrance.

5. We want a sling, or a snugli, or, you know, one of those baby carrier things.

Mr. W and I liked a few of them. Only one problem. I am 5'0 with a short torso, narrow shoulders and generally small build. Mr. W is 6'4 with a long torso, extremely broad shoulders and very broad ribcage (in short, he's one HUGE man). I don't think there's a product on the market that's going to work for both of us. But I have no way of knowing this.

I need suggestions for one that will fit each of us. Buying two is so not a problem, but we want an idea as to which ones people like. Maybe you bought one kind but liked another better. Maybe one was hard to put on while dealing with a squirming baby. So, since my "up time" is so limited, that's your job. Give me your short list of ones that you have if you're small or if you have a very large husband. That way in the next week we can make a trip to Babies'r'Us and try some on to see if there's one that works for us.

   [ posted  @ 11:52 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (10) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Things I learned over the weekend":
The reason everyone thinks you're more pregnant than you are is 'cause you're petite. I am too and I was HUGE with Muffin Man. No place to go but out, as it were.
My husband and I both use the Baby Bjorn - which by the way we have two of and don't need either anymore... If you want them - they are yours. Just let me know.

I am so excited for you!
I just discovered your blog and I am rooting for the lowercase to stay in as long as possible!

As far as carriers go, I tried a couple with our munchkin. At first I was really reluctant to spend loads on it, but she's heavy and I'm glad in the end we did. We got the Baby Bjorn Active carrier. It's super easy to ajust so you can both wear it easily. It's really comfortable for both you and the baby. It has great lower back support (which few carriers have.)

Now that you are psyched to start your registry you can waste many hours doing what I used to do! Checking the Amazon reviews on baby products. It's amazing the wealth of information on there!
I'm so excited you've made the jump from "this might not happen" to "holy crap, this could happen in three weeks"! Hope that realization was a happy one for you.

I'm 21 weeks pregnant with my first, so I don't own any slings/carriers. However, I've used a bunch while babysitting, so here's my two cents.

The Kangaroo Korner fleece pouch is really nice for a newborn. It's comfortable to wear and you have a variety of positions you can hold baby in, including completely snuggled down in the sling, which the baby can breathe through easily. That last feature is especially nice when you have a baby in cold weather.

The type of sling with a lot of fabric and two rings on one end (made by a bunch of manufacturers) is nice because you can use it in lots of positions, including breastfeeding, but I find it less comfortable than the fleece one.

Baby Bjorn style carriers are the most comfortable for Mom and Dad; very supportive, and you have full range of motion in both arms. But there are fewer positions baby can be in (facing in or out, basically) and (I think?) you are supposed to limit your baby's time in them because they can stop the hips from developing properly if you use them too much.

Good luck, and happy shopping!
P.S. I'm very small (looking huge at five months, like you!). Have no idea about slings for large people!
P.S. Am very small, like you (looking hugely pregnant at 5 months!). Have absolutely no idea about what's comfortable on large people!
I'm so glad you've gotten to the point when you can think about slings and pediatricians and all kinds of stuff! Hooray!
So, some consumer thoughts (had to think a bit before posting these):

-You don't need to use special "baby" detergent. It's just a marketing ruse. Buy unscented, dye free ordinary detergent and you'll be fine. By the way, you can use WAY less than the package recommends and your clothes will still be clean. Another marketing scam.
-SAVE THE RECEIPTS for any carrier you get, and be prepared to try them several times. Some kids just hate certain carriers and there's no predicting. I am a sling fan myself (like Kate, from borrowed babies so far, so my experience is somewhat limited). You will probably want a minimum of two carriers (one for you, one for husband) but you may also want a variety of kinds. Slings are a bit scary at first but very versatile and good for newborns or preemies who aren't really ready to take on the world yet. They get to keep lying down and can be next to a parent as much as you both want. And you can nurse in a sling, not so with Bjorn-type carriers.

This page has a lot of information about and reviews of slings and front carriers:

Oh, and one other tip. If you don't already have it, order Baby Bargains from Amazon. It is really helpful in figuring out what baby products to get with TONS of reviews and helpful information about scams, etc.
Don't worry about the video. I took a whole "prepared childbirth" class and in the end, what helped the most was the nurses who guided me and my then husband through labor. Everything we needed to know, we could have learned during labor under the tutelage of experienced L&D nurses. That is just my experience.

About the baby carrier, I had a Snugly and by about the age of 6 weeks, my son was too heavy for me to carry him in the front. (I am petite like you are, or at least I was once.) So it turned out to be a waste of money. If you have friends who have various types of carriers, ask them if you can borrow them and carry their babies around for a while. That might give you a better sense of what works best for the two of you.

good luck!

   Thursday, October 13, 2005  

A post to put something new out there

First, I want to thank all of you for your support. I'm trying really hard to pull myself together and am, for the most part, doing a decent job of it.

I'm beginning a list of questions for my doctor's appointment next Friday. I'm trying really hard to focus on the positives. And I'm being more honest with the friends and family I talk to on the phone or via email.

I'm also trying to get Mr. W to pick random days to play hookie from work and keep me company. At the very least, I'd like him to come home a few hours early every so often. As it stands, today it is 5:45pm and I have yet to hear from him. Could be some time before he leaves his office. Normally he's home by 6 so he's got some time yet.

I've been in agony today. Extreme pain of the tailbone. Hip pain. Acid reflux and nausea from that. Am a bit better now than earlier today but still...not feeling good.

The point is...thank you for being there for me. I really appreciate it. And assuming that my email is behaving, I will try to write to each of you personally to let you know how much your comments have meant to me.

   [ posted  @ 5:50 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (6) ]
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  Comments about my post, "A post to put something new out there":
I just found your blog and wanted to let you know that I have a UU too. I was able to carry my baby and we never even knew I had a UU until years later when I had infertility and recurrent miscarriages. Strange but true. I think that UU's are more capable than people give them credit for being. I hope that you sail through the next through weeks without any complications.

I can't even imagine being on bedrest for so long--no wonder you feel you are going out of your mind! What are they doing for your acid reflux?

Wishing you all the best.
Oops, that should be "next FEW weeks!"
Hey Lady! I'm sorry I didn't lend you any email support last week. I'm back now and can concentrate on craving Dinosaur and keeping you entertained. What shall we talk about? I've got one, please help me figure out how to be happily married and communicate with my husband. That should distract you for a moment. And, btw, the crying and everything sounds totally legit.
Hope that pain goes away shortly. Still out here rooting for you all.

Seriously if you have Instant Message on that computer it will eat up many hours with chatting endlessly to strangers about oh... stuff.
I just found your site via another and am rooting for you. I have high blood pressure now and am deathly afraid of a problem in the future. We are trying and this month we used ovulation kits so I hope we succeeded. Take care and keep you chin up.
Everything ok? Long time no post. I'm thinking of you all...

   Tuesday, October 11, 2005  

Honesty at long last

I just spent the last 2-3 hours having a massive crying fit.

I finally hit my breaking point. I started crying because I am no longer "me." I kept saying to Mr. W that I don't know who I am...all my time, all my thoughts are spent focusing on our son. Focusing on how to do everything right so that I don't hurt him and that maybe we'll have a decent chance of coming home with him. I told him about how I want to be happy and actually complete a baby registry and start researching pediatricians, but that doing so indicates my acceptance that I'm having a baby and my fear is that if I let myself become happy it will all turn to shit. How I fear that because every time I've let myself be hopeful when pregnant before I was devastated so horrifically and with such rapidity that I barely had time to process it all before it was over. I cried and cried. I told him that even though I don't really think I'm leaking amniotic fluid (I'm sure I'm peeing myself in tiny drips...I make you all more and more jealous of my life at every turn, don't I?), I just can't believe that everything really is fine. I cried because with the position my son is in (and has been in for most of the last week) I can't feel many hard kicks...just bouncing feelings on my cervix, colon and bladder as well as twisting-turning sensations. He just won't face in a way that lets me have many of those hard kicks to my stomach that Mr. W can see and feel too. And I hate that because it convinces me that things aren't right even though I have no reason to think they aren't. He is still quite active.

In all honesty, I think it's just the strain of having been in my bed for 9 weeks and 4 days. I've tried to be positive and happy and tell people what they want to hear. "How are you doing? How's the baby?" "Fine. Nothing new...no changes, so that's good." I can't bring myself to be honest and say what I mean, "Nothing has changed so I'm sure he's still good, but I'm a wreck. I just can't stop worrying. I can't just be happy and I would give anything to be able to be happy and optimistic -- to dream of a future with my son instead of never thinking beyond the next five minutes. How are you?" Because that isn't what anyone wants to hear.

My grandparents want me to tell them that I'm good, that the baby is good, that everything is going to be alright. It's what they believe, but then, they're optimists like that and are trying to help me be optimistic. I get that.

My mom is convinced that if I had never lost the first 3, we wouldn't have known about the unicornuate uterus and would not have monitored cervical length. She believes that this is just what it is and it isn't going to change regardless of what I would do -- that I could be living a normal life of a normal pregnant woman and it would be just the same. Who knows...she's probably right. Obviously neither of us are willing to put that belief to the test. But she wants that to be so and doesn't want to hear that I'm having a rough time because she's so sure it will be fine.

Mr. W is tired of being scared. He worries all the time as well but instead focuses on what life will be like in January after our son is at home with me. He focuses on what it will be like to come home and hear me talk about how he smiled a real smile at me or how he did the cutest thing while lying in his crib or his joy at discovering the soft fur of our cats. He thinks about after the spring thaw when I'll tell him about taking our son to mommy & me yoga classes or how he slept in his stroller while I perused books at the local book store or took a knitting class and then how we went out for lunch...how I took him for a walk along the lake... All the things that we both want to be thinking about. Yet somehow, these thoughts are enough for him to push his fears out of his head. And so even to him, I lie and say that things are fine.

But they are not fine. Or rather, I am not fine (the lowercase is, don't take that wrong). I am tired. I am emotionally drained. But, at last I feel a bit more at ease because I was honest about how not fine I really am. I told him how scared I am, how lonely I am living in a new city stuck in bed, how I wish that my friends could come and sit in the chair beside my bed and watch movies and talk to me. I told him how I feel like I'm failing at being a mother because it's so hard for me and how sometimes I wonder if this has all been worth it (or if it will in the end because I still can't see a positive outcome much of the time)...how guilty I feel about having those feelings because mothers are supposed to be so in love with their babies that they can't imagine anything else. But the fear that grips me makes it hard for me to let those feelings through even though I know they are there. I told him how I feel that attempting to not fail as a mother makes me feel like a failure as a wife. I can't help around the house; no cooking, no cleaning. I can't do the nice little things for him that I used to do (making cookies, packing little treats to send with him to work, setting up a romantic dinner, going out shopping with him, etc.). I haven't had sex since the week we conceived this little one. Once I was past ovulation, I was put on pelvic rest for the first trimester. They never said we could after that but they didn't say we couldn't...yet we were both afraid to. And then came the bed rest from the cervical measurements and the pelvic rest restriction was fully back. In all that time, I've felt cheated. I wouldn't do anything for him since I couldn't have any fun on my end. And then I lost interest all together. And then I wanted to but couldn't and it made me cry to even think about it. So...I'm just really feeling like a failure as a wife on every level.

But hey...at least I finally was able to be honest. That's gotta count for something, right?

   [ posted  @ 11:39 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (9) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Honesty at long last":
Oh Baby. You've been through so much. Everything you're feeling is OK. 9 weeks of bedrest must is stir-crazy making. Are you sure I can't send you something, a care package to make some of the time go by quicker?
Oh, sweetie. I have only been through 1/1000th of what you've been and I can't really figure out where to find the joy in this... I can't imagine how you could. I wish I were in your vicinity & could come by with stupid movies and delicious things to make some more of the time go by.

You are so strong to be doing this and it will go by eventually. You've already hit some really crucial milestones so things are looking pretty good for w. And when he's here, things will finally look good for his mama. Know that until then you've got lots and lots of "friends in the computer" wishing we could make it all go by in the snap of a finger.

Hang in there.
Wish we lived close I would bring you lots of distractions. Do you have IM? You could at least chat with us online ladies all day.

Sending you love and hoping the days pass more quickly.
The anxiety your feeling is completely normal from the history you have had. I don't think you will feel safe until you have your son in your arms and even then you will probably have some post-traumatic stress issues to deal with afterward.

But bare in mind - you want this baby so much your prepared to spend 6 months on bed rest to make sure he has the best possible chance. Its making you stir crazy, but it shows just how much you love this baby.
I've just been in bed for five days from a bad cold, and I'm already a mental wreck, frustrated by all the things I can't get done. I can't even imagine what it's like for you after nine weeks! I'm so sorry!

An assvice suggestion: can you try a little mental psychology? Remember back when you bought some toys for the little w? To bribe him to stay in? Maybe it's time for more bribes...a nice, friendly pediatrician! Who has lots of toys! And a registry filled with more bribes!
Thinking of you.
Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs. I wish I could come and bring you cookies and books and funny cards.
I wish I lived close to you 'cause I'd come over and watch movies with you any time. Plus, I'd bring lots of decadent ice creams and pastries from the bakery--unless, of course, your GD test makes that impossible :-)

Hang in there. I know it's got to be boring and the stress is pretty high but you're doing everything right to help you and your son reach the goal line together.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I peed myself ALL the time during pg. Like you, I was worried it wasn't pee but amniotic fluid. Turns out pee was just a'leakin' away and I didn't feel it--since it was in such small but steady quantities. I wore panty liners from early on in my pg all the way through 'til the end.

   Monday, October 10, 2005  

I will not freak out like the freak that I really am

I have been trying really quite hard to be normal. To be a blissfully glowing happy pregnant woman. Of course, the mere thought of being that makes me want to vomit because, seriously, is that even possible?

So, to prove to you that I can freak out even when there is nothing to freak out about, I present today's entry.

On Friday I had my appointment where they did a full speculum exam and declared everything fine and dandy, tightly closed cervix with intact mucus plug and all.

Now, Mr. W said something about a strip of paper on the edge of one of the slides, which I assume was the nitrazine strip used to test for amniotic fluid, but I didn't see it and, you know, whatever. He said he thought it was blue.

I have been having the problem of constant wetness in my underpants for over a week. Usually it's just solidly wet. I've had a few instances where it's just one round-ish area of wetness. Completely clear. No ideas what it is or isn't. But I was having that before I went in on Friday when all was declared fine. Yesterday I noticed that it dried a yellowish tint and I thought, "Dear God, I'm pissing myself!" Which I totally probably am. I mean, they checked me out and saw no problems THREE DAYS AGO. Nothing is different now so a sane person would assume that all is well.

Have I mentioned exactly what an un-sane freak I am? I've now spent about an hour and a half googling "amniotic fluid leak" and various combinations of the same. I've searched every pregnancy board and general women's health board from WebMD to Babycenter...even the now defunct obgyn.net (or com...or something...some women's health forum that no longer exists except as an archive of old questions). I refuse to post on any of those because no less than eight million women will tell me that I should immediately go in to labor and delivery (you know, where they already know me by name and all run and hide when they see me because damn it woman stop panicking already!) and be tested and blah blah blah.

And have I mentioned that when Mr. W comes in from work in a few minutes I am totally asking him about that strip of paper since I remembered the doctor saying, 'If there is amniotic fluid present this test turns blue." And I'm sure Mr. W said he thought that strip of paper he might have seen was blue. And exactly what does THAT mean? I mean, seriously, they would have told me if it was amniotic fluid. But what else could that blue strip on the edge of the slide have been? I mean, I know they were testing me for various infections and yeast infections and blah blah blah, so, you know, it could totally have been something else. Or it could have been just the tissue paper that sterile slides are separated with to prevent them from scratching/cracking in the packaging. Or a slightly blue cover slide. I mean, seriously, Mr. W could be totally nuts.

Still, I've read that amniotic fluid will have a slightly "sweet" odor. Guess who will be sniffing her underpants after the nightly ritual of the shower. (And yes, I only shower at night when Mr. W is home. I just am not comfortable with doing that while home alone right now.)

   [ posted  @ 6:02 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (3) ]
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  Comments about my post, "I will not freak out like the freak that I really am":
Oh my dear... I have a horrible visual of a person I don't know sniffing her panties! Ahhhh!! I can only imagine that if you were having some sort of leakage issue that concerned that doc that he would have told you... fingers crossed that all is well.
Totally NOT freaking out and patiently waiting for your post-sniffing update.
As one who can freak out over nothing, I sympathise deeply. Sending more of those "stay in" vibes (using my teacher voice, you know).

   Saturday, October 08, 2005  

26 weeks, 2 days

Friday morning I had an appointment with my peri.

Basically, we spent about 15 minutes talking about my concerns, symptoms, things that were going on and what they mean (or don't mean).

Then 5 minutes of listening to the lowercase's heartrate (140 bpm) followed by a 15 minute pelvic exam. The cervix was tightly closed, mucus plug intact. No evidence of yeast or any other infection. All looks good. My uterus was measured and is exactly as it should be for this point in pregnancy.

After that I had to have a flu shot. My arm hurts like a bitch and I'm extremely sluggish and sick feeling all over today. I've gotten a flu shot every year for the last 10 years and never have any reactions or issues as a result; hooray for this year.

My next appointment is in 2 weeks. I have to do the 1 hour glucose tolerance test then. Not looking forward to that. They did send the nasty looking stuff I have to drink home with me so that I can drink it before going in and get it over with the second I walk in. And after nearly 4 weeks we'll finally get another ultrasound. I have to say, I've missed being able to look at my little boy.

I'm still quite nervous about everything, but since it all looks good so far I'm going to try to be calm. I'm doing my best, which frankly isn't all that great sometimes. The one thing I keep reminding myself is that now that I've hit 26 weeks, there are more positive outcomes than negatives and his chances increase by 2-3% every day he stays in between now and 28 weeks.

   [ posted  @ 2:36 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (2) ]
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  Comments about my post, "26 weeks, 2 days":
Oh Gosh. You're getting so close. I get a little nervous every time I check in for an update. I'm getting cautiously excited for you over here. Keep up the great work my dear. Healthy baby, healthy baby, repeat....
is there anything I can mail you to make time go faster? I've got Nick and Jessica seasons 1, 2 and 3...Ha! That'll make you sleep through the next few weeks.
That's 26 weeks, 3 days and counting now... Glad to hear that all is ok and you are getting closer. Continuing to think good thoughts for you and little w.

   Thursday, October 06, 2005  

Is that a cocker spaniel in your drain or are you just happy to see me?

I just got out of the shower. The water was not going down the drain. It had made it's way up past my ankles.

I got on my hands and knees to try to take the drain apart but apparently the drain on this shower is retarted and requires a screwdriver. Whatever. I made Mr. W do it.

We found perhaps the most vile thing ever. In the four months that I have lived in this apartment I have literally FILLED the drain with my hair. There was a wad of hair the size of a cocker spaniel puppy that we pulled out. I am not exaggerating one bit. If it weren't all slimy and moldy and disgusting I'd take a picture (please note my perverse pride at having caused a drain clog of such massive proportions). Also, I'd like the few readers I have to return after today and I know you wouldn't if you saw what I just showered with. I will say that there was so much and it went so far down the pipes and was wrapped around the trap so many times that it actually required pliers to help pull it out.

You want me for a houseguest now, don't you?

   [ posted  @ 8:00 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (5) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Is that a cocker spaniel in your drain or are you just happy to see me?":
Can I beg you to say it was head hair?
You can beg but...


My hair? On my head? So long that until I finally had it trimmed last weekend it reached the middle of my butt. It is now "short" reaching only to my waist. Pre-pregnancy I had massive quantities of hair (very fine texture, but a hellish amount of it -- it takes over an hour to blow dry there's so much. Updos take stylists LITERALLY an hour minimum; for me? Much longer.)

So um...not only can I clog a drain in just four months? In about 2-3 weeks? I can totally fuck up your vaccuum to the point that it requires you to take it apart and use scissors to cut the hair out of it! And if that isn't done in time? They've been known to um...have the motors catch fire and smoke pours from them.
you think you're alone in the clogging of the drain?? ha ha, NO.
Oh Sweetie, it is a running commentary from my husband about who sheds more, me or the dog. Hers are short and dark brown, mine are long and blonde. Hers we find in the peanut butter, on the floor and in huge tumbleweeds rolling across the floor. Mine we find, well, just about everywhere but worst of all is coming out the back end of the dog after she has licked the floor.
I am a regular drain-cleaner-outer myself since ours does not require the screwdriver. I have been there though, up to my ankles in the tub that won't drain.
We have one of those drains that looks like a colander (lots of small holes in a metal plate) instead of your usual big drain hole. It actually helps - except with the rate at which I shed (only EXACERBATED by pregnancy instead of slowed or stopped, which is what I *thought* was supposed to happen) I remove a nasty mat of hair once or twice a week. I still have to pour vinegar down the drain every couple of months, which helps without putting evil chemicals into the watershed.

I totally hear you on showering in ankle deep gross water. Eeew. Happens more often than I can stand.


I'm still alive!

Today marks the beginning of week 26. Things are still as they have been. I'm in bed. My boy is quite active. Things seem pretty good.

I have a list of questions prepared for my peri appointment tomorrow (including such things as holy fuck do my hips ever HURT and is there anything at all we can do about that??? And what about the acid reflux that WILL. NOT. GO. AWAY.).

I've had a few really rough days lately. Yesterday morning I fell apart because, get this, Mr. W turned off my laptop in the middle of the night because I accidentally put it under a blanket on the chair beside my bed and it was overheating -- the fan woke him. I seriously cried because "I'm doing the best I can and if it makes me happy to leave my laptop on at night so I don't have to type passwords and wait for it to start up in the mornings, can't I at least just have that??? I can't do anything else, and if this one thing makes me happy..."

Yeah. Mr. W is a saint for putting up with me. In fact, he now comes home from work, makes dinner for me and then as soon as we eat comes back to our bed with me where he does any work he may have using his laptop. He plays internet backgammon against me while he's working. He watches whatever it is that I want on television while in here. Then, if he has anything that requires the use of his desktop machine, he waits until I've fallen asleep for the night to leave the room and take care of it. Thank God for him. Most men would not be so kind.

Other news...I'm from Indiana. Obviously I no longer live there, but Mr. W and I share as our overall goal the dream of moving back there some day. I come from a very large close-knit family. Evidence: Our wedding was "immediate family (and close BFF type friends) only." After cutting quite a number of people from the guest list, I invited 200 people who were a part of what I consider "immediate family." They all live in Indiana. I spent yesterday outraged over the bill (I'd link, but you all know about it and if you don't, just go check it out at Julie's.)

I took my time to formulate what I wanted to say, woke up this morning and read The Star online (Indianapolis paper) and was thrilled to see it was dropped.

I emailed those on the committee anyway to let them know exactly why I (and my very large family and friends who reside and vote in Indiana) are opposed to the bill. Now, I didn't give examples of why I think all parts of the bill are wrong. I only included the portions that are pertinent to my life -- the section on gestational surrogacy. Because I can't be on bed rest like this and raise my son (assuming the best here and trying to be positive), I won't be pregnant again. It's been too hard and the cost (primarily emotional) has been too high. Our family will grow in the future through gestational surrogacy and/or international adoption. When (if?) we choose to begin a gestational surrogacy agreement, it would likely be with a close friend or family member as the carrier and that means that she would likely live in Indiana (Mr. W's family simply cannot be trusted. Seriously.). This bill will directly affect us.

If you haven't done so already, I urge you to let your voices be heard. Write to the members of the Indiana committee and let them know why they were wrong and how it would affect you. Write to your own state's legislators and let them know that you know about the bill that was dropped in Indiana and make sure that they understand that you do not want something similar in your own state.

And now? I'm off my soapbox for a bit and off to continue being all conservative and domestic as I work on my little cross-stitch project (from Hell -- seriously, who knew a Christmas stocking would take so long?).

   [ posted  @ 3:18 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (1) ]
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  Comments about my post, "I'm still alive!":
It rocks that so many of us wrote letters, emails and made phone calls. I got a response back right after my email went out with thanks for the story and a heartfelt good luck from some woman at the commission. As well she said that they were flooded by emails, calls and faxes yesterday and that none of them were in favor of the bill.

Democracy sometimes works.

Your hubby rocks as well! Go nice men. Continuing to root for you all.

   Tuesday, October 04, 2005  

Guess where I won't be going tonight!

Give up?

I will not be going to childbirth classes! The instructor cancelled because too few people are registered. There were enough, but then the one couple that put them over the minimum dropped out this morning.

They wanted to reschedule me for November's classes, but, you know...not such a good idea since they start November 3 -- the day I reach 30 weeks. Now, it's highly possible that my lowercase will be delivered any time around that date. Seriously, no doctor was willing to say that I could go further than 30 weeks. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. I might even go before then. The peri's office wants me to get to at least 28 weeks. What a fun time.

Friday we have an appointment so we'll discuss our other options then. They're going to have one of the RNs look up other classes (private and at other hospitals) and schedules and times that Mr. W and I can visit the hospital for a tour of the NICU and learn how things work beyond L&D triage (that? I totally know about).

So...fun for me. Or, not so much. Am very nervous/scared about everything right now. Hoping to keep my shit together, but, you know...am losing it rapidly.

   [ posted  @ 3:17 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (3) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Guess where I won't be going tonight!":
No not so much fun damn it. I'm cheering for you and little w to hold out a bit longer.

Just breathe, corny assvice yes, but it works sometimes.
Big hugs. Take your husband to a massage class if you can't get into a birth class. Massage was the best part of the birth class!
Everything OK? I'm waiting for the 26 week post!! (Promise I'm not an obsessive stalker; just that you're 6 weeks to the day ahead of me so I always know how far along you are.) Congratulations for getting this far...and hope your son stays in for a good long while yet!

   Monday, October 03, 2005  

The fun never ends!

I'm waiting on a call back from the doctor's office. They said I should call if there were four Braxton Hicks in an hour.

So far today:
12:06 pm
12:32 pm
12:43 pm
12:56 pm

None have lasted more than 30 seconds and the whole time the lowercase was wiggling like crazy immediately before and after each one.

I am (of course) still in bed and working on my 2nd large bottle of water. Which I managed to choke on slightly while sitting up so I could go in to the bathroom. I coughed and coughed and pulled a damn muscle in my lower stomach!

So now? A little concerned about the contractions and whether or not I could be heading for pre-term labor (I've been panicking all weekend about my mucus plug because the usually slimy mucus was more gooey) and in serious pain every time I move because of the pulled muscle.

Anyone want to trade bodies for a little while? Like say the next month? Once we get into November I'll be alright because I'll know the lowercase's chances will be really quite good. I just can't deal right now.

And yes, I did look up success and health rates for 26 weeks (I'll reach that Thursday) this morning. If I get to that point, 20% of babies born then don't make it while 16% have mild-severe disabilities and 64% not only live but grow up healthy. I'm still scared. More are healthy than aren't, but I'm just so damn scared all the time.

UPDATE: 1:35 pm phone call returned from the doctor's office. Because I have had no further contractions and none of them lasted more than 30 seconds, they think there is likely nothing happening cervix-wise. If they come back again and don't go away with hydration or if they change in intensity or there is any leakage of fluids/blood, I have to call again. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that.

   [ posted  @ 1:26 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (2) ]
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Hang in there girl. I'm pulling for you every day .
Fingers crossed, nay, woven!

   Sunday, October 02, 2005  

Overheard in our office

As I lay on the guest bed and Mr. W is busily working at his desk while playing mp3s

Mr. W: Are you lying in bed?
Me: ??
Mr. W: You know...like Brian Wilson?

Now stuck in my head..."There's a world where I can go and tell my secrets to..."

   [ posted  @ 1:41 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (0) ]
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