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   Thursday, September 18, 2008  

Hash and rehash

Our potential surrogate, M, e-mailed us the contract from her last surrogacy.  We've been reading through it and it looks pretty good.  There are a couple of areas that we have questions, though I think it's less about something being wrong and more a question of the legalese in which it is written allowing for some doubt on interpretation.  For instance, in one paragraph it states that decisions to abort or reduce a multiples pregnancy will be left to the intended parents.  The paragraph that follows details how no contract can legally state that a woman does not have the right to abort or in any way reduce a pregnancy in her own body and that she CAN do so at any time without consultation.  I think it's got something to do with the state laws there (it repeatedly states "per *state name* family code some.numbers" in that section).

And I continue with the moral dilemma of what would become of any unused embryos and how I feel about that.  I've talked to M about it as well -- she thinks in my position she would want to eventually use all embryos or let them be adopted by someone who would give them their chance to be born.  I just don't know.  I feel like there isn't a clear answer in this.  I know enough about the scientific portion of reproduction, but there is no way of knowing clearly at what point each fertilized egg becomes a person with a soul -- is it the instant of fertilization?  Is it at the point of implantation? I just don't know.  I do, however, know that I can't handle the thought of giving up even one child that is genetically mine.  I'm selfish like that -- if given the chance, I could easily be the mom of a brood to rival the Duggars.  I just love parenting that much and have such an intense love of the son that I do have that there just doesn't exist in me even one cell that could do it.

I am such a hypocrite in that respect.  I could adopt, I could not give up for adoption.  I could ask someone to be a surrogate for me, I do not think that I could (if circumstances were different) be a surrogate for someone else. 

And I'm rehashing all the same things because right now, those are the things that are on my mind a large portion of every day.  Hopefully at some point, I will come to some sort of conclusion on all of it and can begin posting on the actual journey toward siblings for the lowercase.

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  Comments about my post, "Hash and rehash":
I think you're actually much closer to the actual journey to a sibling than you think :-)

Time...it has a way of zipping by when you least expect it.

Wish I could help you with the dilemma over when does life begin but I can't really answer that one myself. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

   Thursday, September 11, 2008  

Lots of news!

It seems, somehow, that no matter how good my intentions, I simply never get around to posting here when there are things worth posting about.  And, as the lowercase's bed time is fast approaching, it's going to have to be a rather quick post today.  (I will admit that I'm much better at keeping up on Twitter, though mostly that's where I complain about the battles to get the lowercase to sleep at night)

There is much afoot around here.  Our potential surrogate sent us a list of what her fees are -- in the beginning neither of us really wanted to get into it as we felt it was more important to get to know one another, what we wanted out of surrogacy (you know, besides the baby), if our philosophies on life, child-bearing, etc. all lined up.  And the more we've talked, the more that we see they do.  So, she told me what she's looking for financially and, shockingly, it's in the lower end of things.  Her compensation request is actually at the upper end for a first time surrogate, but not really in the range for what most people who are 2nd (or, as she is) 3rd time surrogates.  This is a very good thing!  (Seriously -- she's asking about $5,000 LESS than I had expected!)  I e-mailed another experienced surrogate to ask if there was anything missing so that I could continue to figure out whether we can truly afford this and she mentioned a few things that I didn't think of and that weren't in the list our potential surrogate sent to us.  Since she offered to send us a copy of her most recent contract, we did request she send us that to look over and make sure that all financial matters are discussed soon.

We've sent her a copy of our schedule through the end of the year and have asked her to let us know which dates that we are available when she would be, too.  Then we'll figure out a way to meet.  I've had several friends who feel that I should be careful with the whole "meeting someone on the internet" thing and that we should meet her the first time in a neutral, public place.  Now, to me, that seems a bit much since we're meeting her for the purpose of getting her pregnant, but, I suppose in theory I can understand the thought process.  After all, just because she's been a surrogate before doesn't mean she or her husband couldn't be batshit crazy -- God knows Mr. W and I are ;)  Other friends have said that they think we should go to her home to meet because we should see how and where she lives, meet her family and people who could have an influence on our unborn child.  And of course there are others who have said "If I were to carry a baby for someone, I'd want to go to their home first so I could see how the environment the child would be going to and if I felt they were the type of family I would want to help."  So...since I can understand the thoughts behind each of those and I honestly don't care much one way or the other for a first meeting, I told her that I would let her decide what she is most comfortable with.  I'm guessing that we will go to her the first time since we're most likely using a clinic about an hour from our home and she'll have to come out here for some screening and the transfer.

And finally, we have an appointment with the clinic that's an hour away.  We'll know more about how that will work, what our insurance will or won't cover (which could answer the question of whether we can really do this or not because without insurance coverage for the majority of the IVF procedure?  NO DICE), etc. after the appointment on November 18.

   [ posted  @ 8:15 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (0) ]
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   Monday, September 08, 2008  

Car seat help needed!

Alright ladies -- I need some help here.  My new Acadia is finally about to be here!  I want to buy a new car seat for the lowercase to go with it.  So...what do I buy?

In Mr. W's car, he has a Britax Marathon that we LOVE.  In my car, he has an older Evenflo that I do NOT like (it was my nephews and since we don't often drive the Beetle, it wasn't an issue).  It's a safe seat, I wasn't ever worried about that (and in a small car, it's smaller profile was the only thing that fit well and offered a good harness) -- but it's a PAIN IN THE BUTT to adjust the straps!  It's just not as good, overall, as the Britax.

We had considered just buying a second Marathon, but then I started thinking -- the lowercase is only getting older and bigger.  Am I really going to get the full worth of that seat over time?  Will he outgrow it too soon?  Or will he get old enough that he no longer wants to be in a "baby" seat and want more of a traditional style booster seat?  Obviously, I want him to have a seat with a five point harness -- but I do want it to be something that he can grow with.

That being said, the lowercase is fairly small.  He's 36-37" tall, he weighs around 27/28 lbs, and has a seated torso height (butt to shoulder) of 12/13"  (Don't you love how you can't get an exact measurement on a kid this age?  Seriously!  He does not sit still for a minute!)

Right now the main contenders are the Marathon and possibly the Britax Frontier (or other booster...maybe the Regent?)

The final consideration is that while our Acadia will be quite large, with an 8 person seating capacity, we would like to keep all children in the front row of the back seat.  So -- we kind of want his seat to be able to fit with 1-2 other seats depending on how things go. (Once all current and future kids are in non-infant-carrier seats, we will, I am certain, have to reassess the situation!)

So.  Tell me.  Seats.  Size.  What you like about them, what you don't.  If there is a Britax you hate, tell me that, too.

   [ posted  @ 12:10 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (3) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Car seat help needed!":
How old is he now?

Given that he is on the smaller side, I'd still go with a Marathon. He can be rear-facing harnessed until 33 pounds and forward up to 65 pounds. In my state, you have to be 4 and 40 pounds to move to a booster.
I'm still working on deciding on our next car seat (I think it will be a Marathon--Britax sale starts next week!) so I have no help. But the crowd on the boards on car-seat.org is incredibly helpful. You don't have to register to post and you get lots of responses right away.
He won't stay in the Marathon until 65 pounds - he will outgrow it by height way before that.

Our next seat for Natalie will be a Graco Nautilus - it's similar in design to the Frontier but most car seat techs prefer the Nautilus to the Frontier, including the techs I trust most. The main reason is that it is much easier to get a good install with the Nautilus, but another key factor is the cost - about $100 less for the Graco. However, the Nautilus/Frontier models DO NOT FRONT FACE, so if you still have T rear facing that's a significant consideration.

Any of the three (Marathon, Nautilus and Frontier) will be excellent choices. It depends on your preferences and the fit to your vehicle.

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