It seems, somehow, that no matter how good my intentions, I simply never get around to posting here when there are things worth posting about. And, as the lowercase's bed time is fast approaching, it's going to have to be a rather quick post today. (I will admit that I'm much better at keeping up on Twitter, though mostly that's where I complain about the battles to get the lowercase to sleep at night)
There is much afoot around here. Our potential surrogate sent us a list of what her fees are -- in the beginning neither of us really wanted to get into it as we felt it was more important to get to know one another, what we wanted out of surrogacy (you know, besides the baby), if our philosophies on life, child-bearing, etc. all lined up. And the more we've talked, the more that we see they do. So, she told me what she's looking for financially and, shockingly, it's in the lower end of things. Her compensation request is actually at the upper end for a first time surrogate, but not really in the range for what most people who are 2nd (or, as she is) 3rd time surrogates. This is a very good thing! (Seriously -- she's asking about $5,000 LESS than I had expected!) I e-mailed another experienced surrogate to ask if there was anything missing so that I could continue to figure out whether we can truly afford this and she mentioned a few things that I didn't think of and that weren't in the list our potential surrogate sent to us. Since she offered to send us a copy of her most recent contract, we did request she send us that to look over and make sure that all financial matters are discussed soon.
We've sent her a copy of our schedule through the end of the year and have asked her to let us know which dates that we are available when she would be, too. Then we'll figure out a way to meet. I've had several friends who feel that I should be careful with the whole "meeting someone on the internet" thing and that we should meet her the first time in a neutral, public place. Now, to me, that seems a bit much since we're meeting her for the purpose of getting her pregnant, but, I suppose in theory I can understand the thought process. After all, just because she's been a surrogate before doesn't mean she or her husband couldn't be batshit crazy -- God knows Mr. W and I are ;) Other friends have said that they think we should go to her home to meet because we should see how and where she lives, meet her family and people who could have an influence on our unborn child. And of course there are others who have said "If I were to carry a baby for someone, I'd want to go to their home first so I could see how the environment the child would be going to and if I felt they were the type of family I would want to help." So...since I can understand the thoughts behind each of those and I honestly don't care much one way or the other for a first meeting, I told her that I would let her decide what she is most comfortable with. I'm guessing that we will go to her the first time since we're most likely using a clinic about an hour from our home and she'll have to come out here for some screening and the transfer.
And finally, we have an appointment with the clinic that's an hour away. We'll know more about how that will work, what our insurance will or won't cover (which could answer the question of whether we can really do this or not because without insurance coverage for the majority of the IVF procedure? NO DICE), etc. after the appointment on November 18.