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   Tuesday, June 27, 2006  

The little man's eye appointment went well. The doctor said that all looks good and thinks that the eye crossing is a bit of an optical illusion -- while they appear to cross, the exam showed that they aren't really doing so. It's all rather confusing. Basically, he said we should continue to watch it and we'll check again in September.

Also last week, the second tooth made it's grand appearance. Since then we've had a rather fussy baby. Fussy only by our standards based on his usually charming behavior. In comparison to other babies, he's still a joy.

Not much else to say. Somebody give me a topic. I'm just too tired to think of anything on my own.

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I'm glad to hear that things went well for the lowercase. My daughter also had pseudostrabismus because of they way her epicanthal folds lay. Go figure. As long as he's fine and no surgery is needed....
So glad to hear that the appointment went well. That is always a good feeling.

   Monday, June 19, 2006  

Audio Re-transmitters SUCK!

Last night the lowercase went to sleep after his 9pm feeding. Normally, he stays up and eats once more between 10:30 and 11, so this was a rare thing indeed.

I laid him down in the crib in his room rather than the cradle in ours and turned on the baby monitor. My little man still can't sleep in a quiet or dark room, so we always leave a TV on Nick at Nite for the sound of people talking softly and light.

When I went into the living room, I started thinking that maybe I wasn't hearing his room. It was confirmed when the commercials ended and people were talking, rather seriously and soap-opera-esque about Francesca's labor. I'm pretty sure that wasn't in the episode where Roseanne worked at a fast food place for a kid from Becky's school.

Confirmed -- interference from another apartment in the building. No big, we'll change the channel. Except it didn't matter.

Apparently someone in our building (8 units, 4 up, 4 down) has one of those wireless audio transmitter speaker systems. You know the ones -- you just plug the speakers into an outlet and they pick up the signal from the television or stereo. People who just don't want to run wires.

I can honestly understand it if you are doing it to pipe your stereo throughout the entire house or whatever, especially if it's rented and you can't snake the wires through the walls or ceilings. I get it.

But for your TV? Seriously people. Use a real home theater solution. Run some dumb wires around the perimeter of the room. I want to hear my son in his room and NOT your dumbass choices in television. (Shut up about dumb choices and my son sleeping to the sounds of Roseanne -- it works for him -- he sleeps -- and I don't have to sleep sitting up to hold him all night like I did before we started doing that after his NICU discharge)

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   Friday, June 16, 2006  


I should have known we wouldn't get through all the premie issues unscathed. So far we've been moving right along developmentally. He's been on the right side of the numbers on his ages/stages surveys. So far there has been no need for any early intervention.

He passed his eye exams, indicating that as the blood vessels grew out, they did so correctly and we didn't have any problems from ROP.

I thought we were good. Except I had kind of noticed that lately his eyes don't always track together. But, you know, sometimes they do. And sometimes he gets the tiniest bit cross-eyed, but he's always laughing when he does that and oh! isn't he silly!

Except no. I talked to my mom today and she told me she thought there was a little something wrong with one of his eyes -- that one didn't seem to track with the other just right. She'd noticed it in pictures we've sent. I said I'd seen it to. She asked when his next eye exam is and I told her that it was in September. She said I should call the eye doctor and see if he wants to see my lowercase sooner.

And so I called. And they do. They said that they would like to see him at their next available opening, Wednesday. They also said that if I notice anything at all more that I should call and they will bring him in sooner than that because THIS IS AN EYE EMERGENCY.


An emergency. And here I thought it was just a little something that was really nothing. EMERGENCY. Lovely.

The thing is, my eyes don't always track together. They never have. I thought it was no big deal. For me it isn't an issue. And maybe his isn't. Of course, my nephew also had strabismus, and his IS a big deal. He's four and wears glasses as thick as coke bottles (do young people still call them that? I mean, they've never seen glass coke bottles...does it even make sense to them? and does my remembering make me old? DAMN!). He's had patches. And if I'm not completely wrong, he's also had some eye surgery, but right now I'm a little hysterical and just because I remember him having eye surgery doesn't mean he actually did.

Damn it. Is it fucking Wednesday yet? And is it wrong to down a bottle of wine now?

   [ posted  @ 4:33 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (6) ]
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It's never wrong to down a bottle of wine to help with all the angst.

I hope Wednesday gets here soon and that people stop using the word emergency.

~Brooklyn Girl
Oh. Lots of love being sent out to your family. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this stress. The stress of the NICU is too much to begin with. Then you go home and worry and wait for the other shoe to fall. And then it does. I am hoping that your appointment Wed. will result in something much less than an emergency.
I am so sorry to hear this. But since you still don't know for sure, maybe it isn't anything! (I'm crossing fingers here!)
I know the feelings you are having. My youngest had many health issues as a baby and she was full term. But it was never easy.
I'm sending good vibes your way!
C'mon Wednesday, hurry up and get here!

Hope that the doc's visit goes well and things are okay.

And no, I think wine is perfectly acceptable self-medication :-)
I'm sorry. I don't blame you for being scared. My baby has had health issues since they sprung him loose from the hospital at 5 weeks - severe anemia, feeding issues, a brain cyst,... . We've basically lived in fear since he was born. Just last month he was finally cleared and declared "normal". Now I am noticing a weird spot near his mouth. It could be nothing, but I'm like, "Crap! Here we go again!" Anyway, I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best of everything.
Ugh... doesn't it seem like it's one thing after another?

For what it's worth, our son (born at 33w) has Duane's Syndrome/Strabismus. He was diagnosed at 6 months. He did need surgery at 9 months, but you know what? It was FAR more traumatic for my husband and I than it was for him. He wasn't even out of surgery an hour before he was crawling all over the bed and pulling himself up on the rails.

He still has to wear glasses (he's 18 months.) Should Lower Case need them, for God's sake, spend the extra money on the flexi-frames. No one told us to, and within 3 weeks of getting them, he'd snapped his $300 frames TWICE.

   Wednesday, June 07, 2006  

The lowercase's First Tooth

Yes, that's right. He has a tooth. A TOOTH! (And the crankypants to go with it today) I'm freaking out. On the one hand -- yay! He's healthy and growing and developing and becoming a boy. And on the other hand? WHERE IS MY BABY GOING? COME BACK BABY! I LOVE YOU!

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Congratulations on the first tooth! In a couple of years he'll be begging you to help him pull it out so the tooth fairy will come!
Amazing just how fast it goes by. J got her first tooth last week as well and I know it's just a matter of time before they start coming in fast and furious. Should make for good times in my house.

Hopefully, the lower case handles the discomfort of those incoming teeth smoothly. Sadly, I don't think that'll be the case for mine if her behavior of the past week was any indication.
Yay! Hope he is feeling like his old self again soon.
As completely sick as it may sound, I felt that don'tgrowuptoosoon feeling when Azure moved from the "1-5 pound" preemie diapers up to the "up to 6 pounds" preemie diapers. After waiting so long, I want the babyhood to last a while.

   Thursday, June 01, 2006  

Originally I started this blog as a way to pour out what I was feeling after miscarrying (and then again...and again). I was torn apart and desperately wanted to have a child.

I posted through all the tests, the trips to the RE who said that I really didn't need his services despite my uterine anomaly since I had no trouble conceiving and nothing he could do would keep me pregnant.

I posted about our emotional upheaval as we faced our fourth pregnancy. I talked about our decision that, come what may, we were at our last attempt in my body. I talked about how much I wanted to just use a gestational surrogate since our embryos karyotyped normally. But I knew that I had to give my body just one more chance.

And then I delivered 10.5 weeks prematurely. My son was remarkably healthy. Still, 53 days in the NICU takes its toll.

As we sat there day after day, Mr. W and I discussed the fact that we were done. We never wanted to be in the NICU again and all the perinatologists assured us that a future pregnancy in my body would be the same.

Unfortunately, Mr. W and I have a different opinion on what it meant to be done.

He is done. His family is complete. He wants no more children regardless of how they come into our lives.

But I am not done. My family is not complete. I honestly want one more. I don't know if I want to use a surrogate. In all honesty, when I consider the future, I see a little girl with us. A Chinese girl, perhaps. Or South American of some nationality.

And yet my husband is done. His family is complete.

And I am left to determine whether it is better to persuade him that perhaps his family is not as complete as he thinks it is or if I should let go of my dream. If I should somehow find the way to put away my desire for a second child and just be happy with what I have.*

*Point of clarification: I am beyond happy with what I have. I love my son more than anything and am thrilled with the family we have created. I just always saw myself with at least two children. And I always saw myself adopting -- long before I knew that it might be the only way to grow my family.

   [ posted  @ 9:31 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (6) ]
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It's hard. As consumed as I am by #1, I still find myself surprised by the longing I feel for #2--something to which my husband seems immune. At least so far.
^^That was me.

~Brooklyn Girl
You never know how your feelings (and Mr. W's feelings) might change over the course of the next year(s). Perhaps once the trauma of lowercase's NICU stay has faded into the background a bit, your husband will come to realize that the joy is truly multiplied when you have more than one. There is nothing more beautiful to me than the love I see between my kids.

There are so many ways to expand your family without involving such scary medical issue. If he comes to understand how important it is to you to have your family be "complete" you'll have many avenues to explore.

Best of luck. The ache for #2 can be nearly as tough as the ache for #1 was....
I am in agreeance with you. I don't have any kids yet and have always dreamed of what it will be like to be pregnant. But I also see myself adopting. I think I will be ok with only having one child with my genes. So many children need good homes. Don't give up on this dream of yours. You will have your little girl.
Sweetie, I hope you two can come to a decision that satisfies both sides of the discussion. It's so hard, I know, but your case seems just a little harder.

Much love to you.
That's a toughie. It does take two yeses and a no on most major decisions like that, though. Maybe he'll come around (mine did, and I never would have thought it possible until it happened). Just blazed through your archives. Hair-raising stuff. I've done the high-risk pregnancy thing, but not THAT high risk. Jeez. You're a helluva woman, Miss Dub.

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
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September 2005
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November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
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April 2006
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January 2009
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June 2009
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November 2009
December 2009
February 2010
May 2010
June 2010
March 2011
April 2011
August 2011

A Little Pregnant
Barren Mare
Broken or Not
Chez Miscarriage
Fractured Fairytale
Here Be Hippogriffs
Horkin Ramblings
Never Ever Late
One Pink Line
The RE's Muse
Scrambled Eggs
So Close
Uncommon Misconception
The Unproductive Reproductive
Wasted Birth Control

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