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   Thursday, June 01, 2006  

Originally I started this blog as a way to pour out what I was feeling after miscarrying (and then again...and again). I was torn apart and desperately wanted to have a child.

I posted through all the tests, the trips to the RE who said that I really didn't need his services despite my uterine anomaly since I had no trouble conceiving and nothing he could do would keep me pregnant.

I posted about our emotional upheaval as we faced our fourth pregnancy. I talked about our decision that, come what may, we were at our last attempt in my body. I talked about how much I wanted to just use a gestational surrogate since our embryos karyotyped normally. But I knew that I had to give my body just one more chance.

And then I delivered 10.5 weeks prematurely. My son was remarkably healthy. Still, 53 days in the NICU takes its toll.

As we sat there day after day, Mr. W and I discussed the fact that we were done. We never wanted to be in the NICU again and all the perinatologists assured us that a future pregnancy in my body would be the same.

Unfortunately, Mr. W and I have a different opinion on what it meant to be done.

He is done. His family is complete. He wants no more children regardless of how they come into our lives.

But I am not done. My family is not complete. I honestly want one more. I don't know if I want to use a surrogate. In all honesty, when I consider the future, I see a little girl with us. A Chinese girl, perhaps. Or South American of some nationality.

And yet my husband is done. His family is complete.

And I am left to determine whether it is better to persuade him that perhaps his family is not as complete as he thinks it is or if I should let go of my dream. If I should somehow find the way to put away my desire for a second child and just be happy with what I have.*

*Point of clarification: I am beyond happy with what I have. I love my son more than anything and am thrilled with the family we have created. I just always saw myself with at least two children. And I always saw myself adopting -- long before I knew that it might be the only way to grow my family.

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It's hard. As consumed as I am by #1, I still find myself surprised by the longing I feel for #2--something to which my husband seems immune. At least so far.
^^That was me.

~Brooklyn Girl
You never know how your feelings (and Mr. W's feelings) might change over the course of the next year(s). Perhaps once the trauma of lowercase's NICU stay has faded into the background a bit, your husband will come to realize that the joy is truly multiplied when you have more than one. There is nothing more beautiful to me than the love I see between my kids.

There are so many ways to expand your family without involving such scary medical issue. If he comes to understand how important it is to you to have your family be "complete" you'll have many avenues to explore.

Best of luck. The ache for #2 can be nearly as tough as the ache for #1 was....
I am in agreeance with you. I don't have any kids yet and have always dreamed of what it will be like to be pregnant. But I also see myself adopting. I think I will be ok with only having one child with my genes. So many children need good homes. Don't give up on this dream of yours. You will have your little girl.
Sweetie, I hope you two can come to a decision that satisfies both sides of the discussion. It's so hard, I know, but your case seems just a little harder.

Much love to you.
That's a toughie. It does take two yeses and a no on most major decisions like that, though. Maybe he'll come around (mine did, and I never would have thought it possible until it happened). Just blazed through your archives. Hair-raising stuff. I've done the high-risk pregnancy thing, but not THAT high risk. Jeez. You're a helluva woman, Miss Dub.

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
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June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
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June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
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October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
February 2010
May 2010
June 2010
March 2011
April 2011
August 2011

A Little Pregnant
Barren Mare
Broken or Not
Chez Miscarriage
Fractured Fairytale
Here Be Hippogriffs
Horkin Ramblings
Never Ever Late
One Pink Line
The RE's Muse
Scrambled Eggs
So Close
Uncommon Misconception
The Unproductive Reproductive
Wasted Birth Control

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