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   Wednesday, October 29, 2008  

Just as I suspected!

I was just looking through the message board at signature blocks that a user was making for others.  M asked for one of them...except she wanted it to say GSx3 for (another couple's initials).

Now, why would she tell me she didn't want to work with us because of the distance?  Why wasn't she completely honest and tell us that she chose another couple over us?  And maybe the distance was the deciding factor between the two, but, come on.  Be honest with me.  TELL me that you've selected someone else!


   [ posted  @ 2:45 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (4) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Just as I suspected!":
I'm so sorry. You're probably right that the distance was one of the factors in her decision, but had she told you that she was speaking to another couple as well? Had she said that would be a major criteria for her?
Nope...never mentioned she was talking to anyone else (to be fair, she didn't ask if I was, nor did I ask her). Still, why not be honest enough to say that someone else was chosen and not just say that the distance was too much -- that omission just makes me feel bad about the whole time spent. I thought we had built up more trust and friendship than that.
I'm sorry. How very disappointing.
I'm so sorry about how she's treated you, but try and look at it this way...perhaps she wasn't the right person for you and the Mr for a GS. Maybe it's the universe's way of showing you you need to look elsewhere?

I know nothing about anything, but I do know you'll find someone fabulous.

Peace and luck, my sweet friend. :)

   Wednesday, October 15, 2008  

The depths

Am in hell today.  I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of people that I know who are either pregnant, having a baby very soon (one of them today), have already had the baby...just UGH!

And here I sit, perfectly capable of conceiving.  I've done it in 1-2 months EVERY TIME.  I wanted to be logical and safe and not go through the bed rest and the fear and the NICU.  I don't want to go back there.  I really, really don't.

But I so desperately want another baby and, frankly, that may be the only way it can happen.  And, you know, if I'm to be brutally honest, I really REALLY want to be pregnant again.  I want to be the one to feel that baby moving inside me.  I want him to know my heartbeat, my voice, my body from the instant of his birth.  I want that so badly.

Life just isn't fair.  If I do it that way, I'm sentencing my child to all the potential pitfalls of prematurity -- all the things that my poor lowercase had to fight through (and with flying colors!).  Except this time I would have to do it with a toddler...a perfect, wonderful little man that I would have to miss terribly while in the hospital for myself and to be with a sibling...a sibling that I would not be able to just drop everything and go sit with for hours and days at a clip as I did with the lowercase. 

I'm such a joy right now, all alone in my fucking pity party.

   [ posted  @ 11:18 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (1) ]
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  Comments about my post, "The depths":
I really can't help but wonder if you'd be able to carry a bit further next time.

I'm sorry everyone's got what you want right now. That's really unfair and depressing.

   Tuesday, October 14, 2008  

Over before it began

I just got an email from M.  We won't be going through a surrogacy with them.  She lives in the Texas.  We live in New York.  We had been talking about meeting...but just figuring out the scheduling for that has been difficult between her having kids in school, me having the lowercase... She and her husband have been talking and it's just something that they think would be prohibitive to the kind of closeness that they (and we) want.

I don't know how I feel.  I understand.  And I guess I kind of expected it all along.  I mean, come on...she was too perfect for it...NICU nurse, a Christian, someone I felt comfortable trusting.  But...

Where do I go from here?  How do I move on?

   [ posted  @ 4:07 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (4) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Over before it began":
Oh no. I'm so sorry. Give yourself time to grieve before you do anything else.
I'm so sorry...I wish there was more I could say or do to help ease the pain somewhat.

Wishing you luck as you figure out where to go from here.
Oh shit. I'm sorry.
Oh man...was coming by to see how things were progressing. I'm a longtime reader and am so bummed for you. I really hope it all works out somehow...

   Monday, October 06, 2008  

Random Catch-Up Tidbits

  • We bought the lowercase a second Marathon.  It's comfortable, he likes it and it's not so heavy that it can't be easily moved by a weakling (that would be me).  And in his desire for a cupholder?  The new car doesn't have latches in the middle of the first row of back seats (or if it does, I didn't find then in my quick looking) which I think is because of the 60/40 seats for access to the third row.  Regardless, he now sits behind the passengers seat and in his Marathon has perfect access to the cupholder in the door.  He also has access to the door handle and the window button -- discovered at a rather inopportune time.  We now have the child safety locks turned on for both doors and windows.
  • The lowercase is turning three in just 25 short days!  He wants a camera.  Any opinions on the Fisher Price Kid Tough vs. the other digital cameras marketed for kids?
  • No further in the quest toward surrogacy.  However, I'm not sure how good a fit the closest clinic to us that handles surrogacies will be.  They e-mail me the doctor's "intention of the day" every day.  They host bonding nature walks and bonfires for patients to spend time with one another.  They're very big on alternative therapies...accupuncture and massage etc.  In fact, the RE who runs the place has two separate deals going out of his office -- the **** Healing Arts and **** Fertility.  I don't know...I like my high-tech medical procedures to be a bit more science-y if you know what I'm saying.  I'm sure it's wonderful for some, but it's just not something I'm feeling.  If after the first appointment I don't like it, I'll check out a clinic in Connecticut that seems more like me (just much further from home).
  • Potty training sucks.  My little man woke from his nap on Friday dry (as always, he also wakes up dry in the mornings and has for over a year and a half).  I took him to the potty, but he didn't pee.  So, I put him in a pull-up and took him for a snack and some juice.  I promised him something special if he would still be dry when I took him to the potty after watching an episode of Max & Ruby.  He was dry, but didn't pee.  He said he needed more juice.  So, another juice box, another deal to watch a show (this time Charlie & Lola -- he's got a thing about brother & sister shows).  He was completely dry.  We rushed to the potty because after 2 juice boxes in an hour, I knew the floodgates would open.  We got into the bathroom -- still dry.  As I'm opening his potty, the boy starts grinning as the pattern that shows he's wet emerges on the front of the pull-up.  The kicker?  Once he started going?  HE LAUGHED IN MY FACE!  I asked him what was funny and he said "NOW can I just wear my Sesame Street diaper?  That's what I really want!"  So...I'm taking a couple of weeks off.  At least one, but maybe two.  I put the potties away in a closet.  I took away the M&Ms and Skittles that were his potty prizes.  (For the record, he's got excellent control.  He can stay dry.  He can pee in the potty.  At my mom's house, he said he wanted a skittle and since those are only for the potty he said we should take him.  He sat down, squeezed one tiny drop of urine into the potty and promptly demanded his skittle.)
  • This kid slays me.  He is so smart and so funny.  Maybe it says something about our eating habits and computer usage, but he's playing with my iPhone right now and telling me "M-O-E-S, that spells Moe's.  I like Moe's. I get a taco and chips and milk and a cookie!"  And now he tells me that it says "Please press enter dot com.  That's what it says.  Dot com!"
  • After loaning his pirate costume from last year to his little girlfriend (too cute, they hug and tell each other "I love you" and she calls him Honey), he has now decided that he wants to be a pirate again this year.  Yikes!  Do I really have to get another pirate costume???  Though it is much better than the hamburger costume he'd picked out earlier this month.

   [ posted  @ 12:38 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (1) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Random Catch-Up Tidbits":
Hmm, the F-P Kid Tough digital camera is okay. J got one for Xmas last year and loves to play with it (as does D now). The picture quality leaves a bit to be desired so that may be a factor to consider.

Other than that, the batteries have a good life to them (haven't replaced them yet) and the camera is pretty easy to use. It has also survived lots of drops and whatnot. If I were reviewing it, I'd give it 3 stars out of 5.

Don't know what else is out there specifically for kids but you might want to look around a bit if you don't want to settle.

That's my two cents' worth.

Hope y'all are each doing well and enjoying these early Fall months!

Good luck with the costume!

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