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   Tuesday, October 31, 2006  

One Year

Happy 1st birthday, little man!

(House full of guests...no time to post)

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  Comments about my post, "One Year":
Wow--one year already! Happy birthday lowercase...what a quick year it's been :-)

Here's to many more happy birthdays to come!
Wow is right, Where has the time gone?
Happy birthday little man, even though it was yesterday.
Happy Birthday! I hope you all have lots of fun!
My guys' first is coming up very soon too. Yay!
Yay for birthdays! Happy Birthday to all of you!

   Thursday, October 19, 2006  

Surgery over. Things went well. More full post later -- very clingy boy.

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That whoosh you just heard was my sigh of relief.
Give him extra hugs for me.
Oh I'm SO glad he was able to have the surgery and that things went well. We've been thinking of you a lot.
Awe so glad you are all ok. Hugs to all of you.
Happy and relieved to hear that all went well. I hope that you and Mr. W are doing as well as the lowercase is :-)
So glad it went well! Enjoy the extra snuggles!


Fifteen minutes until I leave. I'm still unshowered, in Mr. W's big T-shirt, haven't brushed my teeth or hair...and generally freaking out. My little one is still sleeping all peaceful like. He has no idea.

Why did I decide to do this now? Why the hell didn't I wait? (And yeah...I'd be kicking myself if I had decided to wait and this freak out would occur in 10 years, too.)

   [ posted  @ 6:59 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (1) ]
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You and the lowercase are in my thoughts this morning. Hoping everything goes smoothly and the worst part about it is the bit of anxiety you are feeling beforehand. I know that is how it went with Azure's heart surgery. I thought they should have been giving ME the drugs. She didn't seem to mind in the least.

   Wednesday, October 18, 2006  

The lowercase has his surgery tomorrow morning at 8 am. This is assuming that the anesthesiologist clears him -- we've had very little nose-running today and very few coughs, so I'm thinking it's a go.

I've had many, many operations over the course of my life. My body is a roadmap of scars. I have always felt very comfortable with going under. And yet...just thinking about tomorrow I am in agony. I feel as though I could vomit at any minute. My heart is racing. I am in a state of utter panic.

We'll arrive at the hospital's pediatric surgery suite at 8am and immediately meet with anesthesia. Mr. W and I will stay with the lowercase while they place his IV line. I will then walk down the hall and into the OR with him (and a lovey and a binky) while the Mr. is taken to the waiting room. Once the little one is asleep, I'll be escorted back to the waiting room so the procedure can begin. It should take about 30 minutes and once my little one starts to come around, I will be allowed to go back and sit with him until he is moved back to the main section of the surgery suite, at which point Mr. W will be allowed to join us.

I can't bear the thought of leaving him for even a moment. I'm not so sure it was such a good idea to do this now. I mean, I know it is...I think. But I haven't felt like this since we left the NICU. I wonder if the good docs can slip me a little valium or something tomorrow morning.

   [ posted  @ 7:44 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (2) ]
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Will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending you all some good thoughts. *hugs*
Hang in there. Thinking of you.

   Sunday, October 15, 2006  

A little Google is a dangerous thing

Our son is not quite one year old, yet the news of my sister-in-law's pregnancy has hit both Mr. W and I hard.

He finally admitted today that if we hadn't had the miscarriages and the bedrest and the premature birth he would want another child. Except that we did have all of those things. And he fears that while we got extremely lucky one time, it isn't likely that we would walk out of the NICU as unscathed a second time. His believes that the odds are stacked against you to have an easy time again.

And it really sucks that I can't just enjoy my soon-to-be one year old son without wondering if it's the only time that I will experience this type of love. If it is, it's more than enough. But I'm not over this feeling of being cheated. Not by a long shot. It's why I've just spent the last 10 minutes googling unicornuate uterus and chances of preterm labor and various other combinations of key factors. (Remarkably, when you google it all together? You find NOTHING of much use)

   [ posted  @ 9:59 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (3) ]
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  Comments about my post, "A little Google is a dangerous thing":
A little Google can be a scary thing. Good luck with whatever you decide to go forward with.
Just wanted to wish you and the lowercase and the mister the best of luck for tomorrow's procedure. No doubt he'll come through with flying colors.

Hang in there...this is a mere blip on the radar.

Thinking of the three of you :-)
If you ever want someone to talk to... I am here. I'm the same place as you are - unicornuate uterus, bedrest, premature baby, etc... wanting a second... not sure how exactly we'd pull it off. My OB says he feels we'd end up exactly the same place even with a cerclage... my Peri was a bit more encouraging. In either case, it's not going to be easy for us.

Good luck for the future -


   Saturday, October 14, 2006  

My brother called tonight. Something he rarely does. Generally, when their name shows up on caller ID, it's because they have some sort of tech question.

Tonight he called to tell me that his wife is pregnant again. Until very recently, she was adamant that she wanted no more children. She had a daughter with her first husband and a son with my brother. She was done. But then when she met my lowercase, I noticed she was holding him quite a bit, cuddling with him, patting his back to help him sleep. And then I heard that her brother's wife was expecting again. And my SIL? Is very much the type who loves to be the center of attention. My brother has always wanted many, many children and was somewhat disappointed that he wouldn't have any more.

And it was strange. I told my brother congratulations. I told my sister-in-law "Congratulations. Or I'm sorry. Take your pick. You know...whichever you think you feel," because the entire time I was on the phone she was saying she didn't know what she thought, didn't know if she was happy or upset...just that she was in the situation and since she would never consider abortion, the situation was what it was.

I don't know. I think she treats her daughter very well. I think she is mean to her 4 year old son. I'm happy for my brother...just not sure about the person he picked to mother his children.

And then I realize that I'm the only person in my family who didn't get to have the happy normal pregnancy and delivery. And there she is...not sure how she feels about it. Having her third child. And I will likely never have another.

Somehow it doesn't seem right.

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Hi, I found your blog while I looked up "nevus sebaceous" through google. Thank you for your posts. I, too, have a son who is now 3 months old with nevus sebaceous on his scalp near his forehead. It is about 1.5 inches long. We took him to a pediatric dermatologist and he had suggested having it removed in 10 years. Since then, we haven't thought about it much, but now that you're getting the procedure done for your son, I'm getting worried that we should do it too! Please let me know your thought-process in making your decision. Thanks so much! ~Grace

   Wednesday, October 11, 2006  


So the lowercase is still sick. He woke up this morning with a temperature of 102 degrees.

We saw the pediatrician and were given dimetapp for the congestion, saline drops for the nose, and orders to continue with the baby tylenol and add in or alternate baby motrin.

So far today he's had less in 3 feedings than he normally eats in one. He is irritable and stuffy and having a rough time of it. With all the stuffiness and runny nose, he can only breathe through his mouth which, in his mind, makes eating impossible. I'm doing my best to remain calm and sane -- hard to do when your baby has never really been sick. We've had a couple of fevers (usually related to immunizations) and a runny nose once...but never an actual illness.

And of course I feel responsible because even though he was nursing very little and taking most of his milk from a bottle (and most of the time that was formula with one or two bottles of thawed breast milk each day)...yesterday was the first day he really didn't want to nurse. In the entire day, he nursed maybe 3 minutes. So, you know...no antibodies coming from me...that must be why he caught the cold. Logically, I know that isn't the case, but I just feel so guilty that I couldn't keep him from getting sick. Stupid, yes. But how I feel all the same.

The ped told us to go to the pre-op appointment this afternoon anyway and that way if the surgery is cancelled, it won't be because we didn't do everything possible.

   [ posted  @ 1:14 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (4) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Update":
Just checking back in. I know it's so hard to go through thinking about and scheduling surgery, and then to have to delay it. That happened to us, and it was very difficult but very necessary. It's just not safe sometimes for babies to be sedated when they have had recent congestion. Again, I hope everything turns out for the best for you.
I know you feel guilty about not bf-ing in relation to sickness, but I just wanted to share with you that my two boys and I have had a bad cold (with fever) for a week and a half, and I've been breastfeeding for 11 months. Sometimes it's just bad luck. Another friend of mine who bfs has a baby with constant ear infections, while a friend with a formula-fed baby has had nary a problem. Hang in there, my friend.
Hope the little man gets to feeling better soon. Good luck with pre-op and hang in there :-)
Poor guy. And poor mommy! It is NOT your fault, quite the opposite. Every drop of breastmilk he's gotten from you has been beneficial and was no easy feat for you.

Hang in there and I hope he gets better soon.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that it doesn't screw up the surgery date.
eek, i feel your pain. my son got rsv when he was five months old and on top of that the poor guy was ear tubed twice in less than a year. i hope he gets better soon, surgery is a go and runs as smooth as silk.


Sick baby hell

This evening my little man acted a little off. He was on self-destruct. So he went to sit with his daddy at the computer while I tidied the mess he had made of the living room thinking that he could then play safely again.

A few moments later, Mr. W insisted the lowercase felt warm. And he did. He had a temp of 99.5, which is fairly elevated for him -- his normal runs a bit below the average person. We gave him some tylenol drops and thought that would help.

Until bedtime. When he began crying...wailing...letting loose these unholy shrieks of pain. He was congested -- you could feel it in his chest when he would try to breathe. We finally got him to sleep (in the spare bed in his room, with me) but that lasted only a bit more than an hour.

At 1 am, he got more tylenol drops. Now he's got the stuffy nose, can't take his binky because then he can't breathe but can't get comfortable to sleep without the sucking going on. And there's some pretty intense farting going on. I got up to give him some mylicon, but of course, I LOST THAT DROPPER! And of course the dosage on that is 0.3 ml and on the tylenol it goes in 0.4 and 0.8...and then there's his vitamin dropper that is marked with 0.5 and 1.0!

So...he kind of has to suffer the gas since even the generic medicine dropper we own isn't calibrated for 0.3! EVIL! I have googled till I can't google any more while the little man stands pseudo-happily in his crib (mama's not forcing the lay down and sleep so he's alright with things temporarily). And it appears that nobody has ever at all inadvertantly warped their mylicon dropper cleaning it and then, thinking that they had something marked with the appropriate measurements THROWN IT AWAY! Apparently I'm the only dumbass to pull that one.

And I'm tired. And he's sick. And I can do NOTHING!

I don't think we're at emergency call level yet because seriously? The ped on call will say to me "Stupid. Give him some mylicon, give him tylenol when you next can, call us in the morning." But I don't know what else to do so I may do just that.

And yet, here I am. At 3:30am praying for my son to be able to sleep. Praying that maybe something in the bar cabinet measures to 0.3 ml and hoping it doesn't make me a bad parent to be contemplating the use of something intended for measuring shots in mixed drinks to medicate my son.

For added fun? I noticed during "dinner" that he pulled on his ear a few times and panicked because what if that's his first ear infection and what the hell am I supposed to do about that? Of course, he was pulling at his face in general in the way he does when he's tired -- that rubbing grabbing, tugging thing. (Also...I kind of totally caused the gas...I made a vegetable soup for dinner tonight with beans in it. Aside of the beans and the leeks, he'd had every veggie in the soup and I figured leeks were like onions which he's had in things and beans...well he's had tofu and that's made from soy beans with no problem so surely other beans would pose no problem...so I tossed some in the food processor for him...stupid mama!)

And um...oh...yeah...tomorrow is his pre-op appointment at the hospital for all the blood work for his surgery...scheduled for next week. For which he CANNOT be sick or he can't have it and I'll have to work up the guts to actually schedule the damn thing a second time and I'm not sure I've got that in me...

3:30am....not a good time for me. Or my little guy.

   [ posted  @ 3:20 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (4) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Sick baby hell":
Ummm, I know you're stressed and tired taking care of a sick baby but I think you're a little too worried about the measuring. Just take the dropper that measures 0.4ml and fill it a little short of that. Eyeball it. Or, heck, giving a full 0.4ml dose of Mylicon is certainly not going to hurt him. Really.
Awww, poor little guy.

I actually bought a box of 100 dosing syringes that measure .1ml up to 1.0ml since Azure had been getting .2ml of Reglan three times a day (now up to .4ml). They gave me one at the pharmacy when I picked up the Rx the first time. The numbers all washed off the syringe within the week. How was I supposed to clean the thing and keep the numbers on? The box of 100 came with caps so I can pack them to go and it only cost me $11.00. Not going to help you in the middle of the night, but maybe for next time.

Hope he feels better soon.
I don't know if there's some reason he can't have Motrin, but baby Motrin works WAY better than baby Tylenol. (At least it does for Tony) :) Maybe try that at least for fevers. :)
Anesthesiologists are often sticklers for waiting a few of weeks until after a chest cold to do a procedure, because of risk to the baby. I'm not saying this to make you worry, only to warn you that they may want to push the surgery back. Hope this isn't the case and that your little one gets well soon!

   Tuesday, October 03, 2006  

Posts are swirling in my head. I still have the site re-do to get to.

And I have NO computer.

In a home with 6 computers and 2 laptops (with even more than that in the closet)...I have no computer.

My son decided to pull on the power cord to my laptop while I was using it. I grabbed it from him as fast as possible and in doing so...broke the laptop. Apparently if you pull the cord out of the back of the laptop at an angle...it kind of snaps the piece that the cord plugs into OFF OF THE MOTHERBOARD. Mr. W, when he has time, is going to attempt to repair that. It's a one shot thing. If that doesn't work? The only fix is a new motherboard which costs enough that I might as well buy another damn laptop.

Then? Mr. W had some issues with one of the computers and so he stole the new memory he had just installed in my desktop machine to see if it would fix the issue with the other computer. It didn't. But my memory is STILL in that machine and my computer is just sitting in pieces under my desk. With no memory cards in it at all. And somehow things keep happening and we don't get it fixed.

So now, when Mr. W is home and not using the computers on his desk, I have a few minutes to check email, read blogs, try to post here...and generally it isn't enough time.

But eventually...hopefully within the week...I'll be back in business. I have a lot of things that I need at least one computer for (invitations to a first birthday party to whip up [NOOOOOOO!!!!], pictures to upload).

(And I *still* can't post about the life-changing possibilities mentioned in my last post, though I've caved and told a few people)

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