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   Wednesday, October 18, 2006  

The lowercase has his surgery tomorrow morning at 8 am. This is assuming that the anesthesiologist clears him -- we've had very little nose-running today and very few coughs, so I'm thinking it's a go.

I've had many, many operations over the course of my life. My body is a roadmap of scars. I have always felt very comfortable with going under. And yet...just thinking about tomorrow I am in agony. I feel as though I could vomit at any minute. My heart is racing. I am in a state of utter panic.

We'll arrive at the hospital's pediatric surgery suite at 8am and immediately meet with anesthesia. Mr. W and I will stay with the lowercase while they place his IV line. I will then walk down the hall and into the OR with him (and a lovey and a binky) while the Mr. is taken to the waiting room. Once the little one is asleep, I'll be escorted back to the waiting room so the procedure can begin. It should take about 30 minutes and once my little one starts to come around, I will be allowed to go back and sit with him until he is moved back to the main section of the surgery suite, at which point Mr. W will be allowed to join us.

I can't bear the thought of leaving him for even a moment. I'm not so sure it was such a good idea to do this now. I mean, I know it is...I think. But I haven't felt like this since we left the NICU. I wonder if the good docs can slip me a little valium or something tomorrow morning.

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Will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending you all some good thoughts. *hugs*
Hang in there. Thinking of you.

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