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   Thursday, September 18, 2008  

Hash and rehash

Our potential surrogate, M, e-mailed us the contract from her last surrogacy.  We've been reading through it and it looks pretty good.  There are a couple of areas that we have questions, though I think it's less about something being wrong and more a question of the legalese in which it is written allowing for some doubt on interpretation.  For instance, in one paragraph it states that decisions to abort or reduce a multiples pregnancy will be left to the intended parents.  The paragraph that follows details how no contract can legally state that a woman does not have the right to abort or in any way reduce a pregnancy in her own body and that she CAN do so at any time without consultation.  I think it's got something to do with the state laws there (it repeatedly states "per *state name* family code some.numbers" in that section).

And I continue with the moral dilemma of what would become of any unused embryos and how I feel about that.  I've talked to M about it as well -- she thinks in my position she would want to eventually use all embryos or let them be adopted by someone who would give them their chance to be born.  I just don't know.  I feel like there isn't a clear answer in this.  I know enough about the scientific portion of reproduction, but there is no way of knowing clearly at what point each fertilized egg becomes a person with a soul -- is it the instant of fertilization?  Is it at the point of implantation? I just don't know.  I do, however, know that I can't handle the thought of giving up even one child that is genetically mine.  I'm selfish like that -- if given the chance, I could easily be the mom of a brood to rival the Duggars.  I just love parenting that much and have such an intense love of the son that I do have that there just doesn't exist in me even one cell that could do it.

I am such a hypocrite in that respect.  I could adopt, I could not give up for adoption.  I could ask someone to be a surrogate for me, I do not think that I could (if circumstances were different) be a surrogate for someone else. 

And I'm rehashing all the same things because right now, those are the things that are on my mind a large portion of every day.  Hopefully at some point, I will come to some sort of conclusion on all of it and can begin posting on the actual journey toward siblings for the lowercase.

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  Comments about my post, "Hash and rehash":
I think you're actually much closer to the actual journey to a sibling than you think :-)

Time...it has a way of zipping by when you least expect it.

Wish I could help you with the dilemma over when does life begin but I can't really answer that one myself. Best wishes whatever you decide to do.

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