Thursday, September 02, 2004

One flew over the somethingsomething

I haven't had a lot to say lately. The primary reason for this being that my mind is too crowded for a single thought to emerge. Instead of focusing on any one in particular, here is a general overview of how standing-room-only my brain has become:

I'm not teaching this year. There. I've said it. I have taught at the same elementary school for two years. Both times in leave replacements because there wasn't an available position. One other teacher was in the same situation, though he had been there about 3 months less than I. A position opened this year. All of the teachers on maternity leave came back, one wanted the open 2nd grade instead of her 5th grade. I had interviewed for that position, too. She got it. The man who had been doing the leave replacement for her got that job because men are desperately needed in elementary education. (Also, he really wants 5th grade, whereas I want something in the K-3 range)
It has to be OK that I'm not teaching this year. I'm insane after last year (going back to teach the day after you find our your baby has died and you have a D&C? Does NOT make for an effective teacher!) and need a break.
Maybe we'll find out I'm pregnant and I'll make it through to delivery. Or if I don't, then I'll finally have my referral to the RE. Maybe we can get it all taken care of in ONE year!
Wait...NOBODY gets it all taken care of in one year. So, I have to hope that I just get pregnant and stay pregnant. Yeah. That's what I'll do.
Please God, do NOT let me get my period next Wednesday. I know that is when it's due. I know I'll be all "I must be pregnant" if I don't...but please, don't let me bleed the day my baby was due. Please? I'll stop using the 'F' word...
It's OK that I'm not teaching this year because I can finish my masters by the end of July. Why are psychology professors so fucking boring?
God, let me ammend my request...no period and um...I won't think bad thoughts about pregnant women for ONE WHOLE DAY.
Why the fuck did my husband's fucking coworker tell him his wife is pregnant? With their third? Because they "didn't have enough money to buy condoms?" Hey there, super-fertile boy, I've got four syllables for those too broke to have kids and worrying about what they will do now: VAS EC TO MY!
Also, I can't believe you'd have sex with your wife. She scares me.
Also, she has sex with you? You're three feet tall and skinnier than I used to be!
Finally, your first child looks like Sloth from The Goonies.
WHY am I such a bad person? Is this why I'm going to get my period the day my baby should have been born?
Fuck me.
So yeah. Not really so much to blog about and now that I see those angry bullets*? I'm kind of wishing I hadn't written this. So, feel free to leave me lots of validating comments. Lie to me a little bit. Make me feel good. Because otherwise? I may send the fabulously fertile coworker condoms. And a copy of Goonies.
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* Ok, so when I typed this? Bullets. When I posted, no bullets. I so need a better, um, something. Anybody interested in doing a redesign for me? I have money...you could have some of it :)
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Edited 9/11/2004: New template = Return of the bullets!

[ posted @ 8:22 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (3) ]
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Comments about my post, "One flew over the somethingsomething":

I am so hoping that your period does not come on that date, that oh so special date. You have my heart, my thoughts, and my extreme hope that Sept. 8th will come and go without your period. You are so strong, so brave, and deserve so much happiness.

I will be thinking of you in the coming days and sending lots of love your way and know that even if your period does come that day, you are strong and you will get through the day, even though it may incredibly, debilitatingly painful and you think you can't do it. I know that's probably little comfort and I don't mean to speak out of my ass if that's how you took it. I just want you to know that your strength is there; I think that, even in our darkest moments, it is there, patiently waiting to reemerge when we need it most.

I just recently had my first BFP only to find out at 6w6d that it wasn't to be; my D&C was the next day. That was just last week and I can't imagine what will be in store for me when what would have been my baby's due date rolls around (April 15). I can barely get through each day that comes--I am little more than a crying zombie right now. (In fact, I just dropped my last thesis hour for my masters degree--figured now was not the time to start that back up.) There is nothing wrong with the road you're taking now, finish your masters, concentrate on you. Doing what is right for you is the most important thing and let no one begrudge you that.

And maybe us blogworld infertiles can take up a collection to get that uber-fertile fuckstick colleague of your husband's that vasectomy. He's living proof and all the more reason that stupid people shouldn't breed. The man has a job, condoms aren't expensive in the grand scheme of things...WTF dumbass?

Dee
(theREsmuse.blogspot.com)

[ Permalink ] posted by Dee : 9:19 AM

Ha ha, your post made me laugh, especially the part about how the wife is scarey.

I hope AF doesn't come around. We're on the same schedule, but my temperature has remained stubbornly in place at 98.3, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that AF is going to show up on time (and hopefully not early). Wishing you luck and 9 months of period free.

Emily
http://scrambledeggs.blogs.com/scrambled_eggs/

[ Permalink ] posted by Anonymous : 10:25 AM

I hope and pray this month is it for you. A person can only take so much, and you (like so many of us) have had more than your share. Good luck!

Heather
One Pink Line

[ Permalink ] posted by Heather : 9:37 PM