Saturday, October 23, 2004
I'm Miss W, Thank You for Your Support
First, I would like to thank each of you who commented on my most recent post. Kris, Emily, as always I appreciate your kind words. It means so much to me.
Because I care about my readers, I am going to answer each of your posts in turn, starting with Kris because hers is highest up in my inbox. My news was GREAT! On Monday afternoon, my HCG was 1188. Wednesday morning it had reached 2417. Progesterone was well above 100 on both days (Thank you Prometrium!) I had another draw on Friday and will get the results Monday morning. At that point we will determine if there is a need to continue with the every other day needle to my arm. This is especially hard for me since I am a small person with small veins. Veins with a sense of humor; they perform such fun tricks as rolling away from the needle and giving no blood when the needle is in them, but spurting it across the room upon removal! Monday we will also schedule my first ultrasound as I reach the 6 week mark in the first half of the week. Again, Kris, thank you for your kind, kind words! I just can't quite express how hard it was for me to determine what to write next, but you helped me make that decision. And for that, I thank you.
And now, the next commenter in my inbox: the lovely AnonyMouse! I appreciate your (misguided) thoughts on my well-being. I will address each of your concerns in turn. First, I empathize with your struggles with anorexia. It's hellish getting through them, and frankly, we never are really "over" them. Just as I will also never truly be "over" the loss of my first two babies. However, I have been evaluated by a doctor who knows my history. And it has been determined that, through some miracle, I have not caused lasting damage to my body. I have a large support system in place to deal with this issue, including several close friends who are psychologists and have been through this struggle. I can assure you that should my anorexia return, I will immediately seek treatment because my child deserves a healthy mother. I would also like to thank you for pointing out that I could die as a result of my pregnancy. I know that without your tact and thoughtfulness, I might not have realized that. Except for one thing. I am an extremely well-educated and intelligent woman. I have been through a lot in my life and I know when to call it quits. My husband and I have discussed this factor. We are already seeing an obstetrics firm that handles the daily care of several high-risk patients and who work in tandem with a top perinatologist. I assure you that I am in good hands and that all precautions are being taken. I would also like to thank you for reminding me that adoption exists. My father and his wife adopted two children, but the presence of my siblings and the means through which they entered my family had slipped my mind! Additionally, I would like to point out that while adoption is an amazing institution, it is not something that I am going to do at this point. It has always been my plan to adopt and the decision has already been made that I am only going to go so far as two more pregnancy losses or one live child (whichever comes first) before having my tubes cut/tied. I am very thankful that your mother made the correct decision after having one child. (I will not be petty and insert the statement that was my first reaction, about how the gene pool has thankfully not become more shallow as a result of more like you being added--and to thank you for not further draining it. The shallow end is far too shallow as of late... But, in my Pollyanna way, I have chosen to believe that you meant no harm) I would next like to address your assertion that my child would be an orphan if I were to die. My husband would like for me to assure you that he has no intention of ever abandoning our child should something happen to me at any point (whether that be my death of old age when we have grown children, or a freak accident anytime before that). I can assure you that my husband is an intelligent, caring capable man. He has the income and the support system necessary to care for a child. But thank you for your concerns about his abilities. Your next comment confused me considerably. You stated that there are already too many orphans in this world, yet you had prevously encouraged me to adopt. If one were to follow your advice and not have children, all the children without families would immediately be adopted, and where would that leave us? Just a thought, but those comments were somewhat conflicting. My final comments to you are in regards to your discussion of my "genetic health issues." If you had fully read my post, or for that matter any of my previous posts, you would have realized that I have NO genetic health issues. My health issues (for which not a one has required medication in my entire life, nor have I had to have much surgery beyond the life-saving surgery as a newborn...and what I've had have been to remove scar tissue and "clean up" my outer scars which had been sloppily stitched) are as a result of the abuse my mother suffered at that hands of my father. Consider this a "basic genetics 101" lesson. Injuries received by one party are not genetically passed to their children. I have a scar on my chin from a go-carting accident as a child; my children will not have scars on their chin because of my accident. Neither will they have the problems that I have as they amount to "scars" caused by my father. My father has since changed to large extent, lives 12 hours away from me, and has never harmed me from the day I was born. I have no reason to think that he will now. I would also like to point out that I am not now, nor have I ever been in an abusive relationship of any sort. It is therefore highly unlikely that any of my problems will be passed on to my children. Especially when you consider that they are NOT a part of my genetic karyotype. (Which, if you are unaware, is a "mapping" of my genes) . In conclusion, AnonyMouse, I have thoroughly thought this through. I have seen every specialist in the book and have determined that my risks are only minimally higher than the average woman without my health concerns. And because I do have those issues, I will be receiving very attentive care from my health care professionals. Thank you for your concerns. I'm sure you "meant well."
The next comment was from the ever-wonderful (and quite well-spoken!) Emily. Thank you so much for coming to my defense. I really appreciate it. I promise you that since I got married in 2000, my husband and I have been going through the process of educating ourselves as to our potential for child bearing. There could still be problems, we just don't know yet. My losses could be caused from problematic eggs or some malformation of the uterus that has thus far been undetected by ultrasounds (done while pregnant and not) and the D&C's performed by the head of obstetrics. We are taking every precaution, as you already know, and will continue to do so. Just please, know how much I appreciate your support. Knowing that there is someone like you out there, on my side, just really makes things seem that much better. I hate that so many, like you, have come into my life under such horrible circumstances for all of us, but your (collective) support and sharing of your own experiences have helped me get through some really dark days and will, I'm sure continue to help me through the days that may come. I only hope that I can be of some comfort to you as well. Because trust me, you deserve it!
My final remarks for today are for "Anonymous." I thank you for your concerns as well. Your first line is flawed. I clearly stated in my recent post and in this post that my health problems were as a result of my father's abuse. But, since you were unable to get that when reading it the first time, I cannot be sure that you got it earlier in this post. Let me make it perfectly clear to you: I HAVE NO GENETIC HEALTH PROBLEMS TO PASS ON TO MY CHILD! And I am, in fact, NOT the reason for obstetric malpractice insurance to have risen to such a high number. I believe the people responsible for that are trial lawyers and those who would sue their doctors. I am not such a person. Unless a doctor makes an egregious error that would not have been committed by another doctor in the same position, I find there is no grounds for such lawsuits. In fact, because of my health issues and my extensive experience with doctors, I have learned that it is best to always research a doctor first, ensuring that you are seeing the best, and to FOLLOW THEIR INSTRUCTIONS. And they? Have said that not only is it possible for me to have a child but that I am EXACTLY the type of person who should: someone concerned about her own health and the health of her family, someone who has dedicated her entire life to caring for children as an inner-city teacher, someone who loves deeply and is respectful of all that she meets. I'm not sure that the same could be said of you, but that is a value judgement that I am not willing to make. You see, I only know your judgemental statements to me. I don't know the real you, or anything about you as you didn't post your name or any way to contact you.
So for all of my readers, no matter what your opinions of my choices: Thank you for caring. Thank you for supporting me during what is an extremely emotional time in my life. And please, when posting, leave my your e-mail addresses! I promise, all comments with an email address will be responded to in depth. Or, if you don't want to post it for all to see, feel free to e-mail me: Miss W
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