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Tuesday, October 26, 2004
**Me and my big fucking mouth! NOW with updates!**
I just had to go and say there was no blood. Tempt fate with the whole "maybe I don't need the Prometrium" thing. Fucking stupid!
I went to the bathroom. The mucus that used to be a light tan color? Now is laced with RED. So my ultrasound is not, in fact, tomorrow afternoon. No. It is today. At 3:15 unless someone cancels. But seriously, we're all so busy trying to get ourselves scheduled in to these appointments--WHO cancels??? I just have to stay calm until then. Calm. Remind myself that the first time when I bled nonstop it was never uterine. That they determined I had a "sensitive cervix" and am "just a bleeder." That when a blood vessel on the cervix ruptures you can lose up to a teaspoon of blood at once. Yeah. I need to remember that. I need to stay calm.
Why is this whole process so hard? Why can't it just be all smooth and sweetness and light? WHY????
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UPDATE
Back from my ultrasound. Gestational sac: check. Yolk sac: check. No heartbeat yet, but that is to be expected as I'm not quite 6 weeks yet. The doctor says that my gestational sac is measuring where it should based on hormone levels. He said the scan showed NO indication of bleeding, so whatever that came from, it was NOT from my baby! He definitely wants me to have another ultrasound sometime within the next one to two weeks, the longer I wait the better. But seriously? How long can I wait? I even said that to him: With my history, how long do you really think I can hold out? And he said that he knows how nerve wracking this can be. He assured me he would pass it on to Dr. P and he can take it from here. So, thank you Dr. T, you sweet sweet man. Now give me back Dr. P's harsh reality and aggressive lets scan till the cows come home* attitude.
*Not possessing any cows personally, I could be scanning for quite some time.
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