Miss W -->

 
   Thursday, November 11, 2004  

Oh no....

I was going to post about going to my grad class last night and how we had to go to the theater because the school was hosting a lecture series with the Mental Health Association. About how I got there and bumped into a friend I hadn't seen since late June/early July. A friend who is now five months pregnant and who was so excited to see me and would I please please just sit with her. And how I did. And didn't cry. And was actually a little bit happy for her because I know she was so afraid she couldn't get pregnant. She had been trying for about 6 months with no success. She knew of my first two miscarriages (last night she found out about the 3rd). She was so afraid. I even managed to be ok when she was dealing with her baby kicking her in the ribs and the pain it caused (which she whispered about to the woman on her other side -- a woman who was also pregnant).

I got home and was so proud of myself for making it through. And then my husband gave me the bad news. The thing that had me praying and saying things to God about how if he could just make *that* ok that I didn't care if He never gave me a baby.

My brother...my ONLY brother...my 31 year old brother went to the doctor yesterday. He said his back hurt, going to the bathroom hurt, he was tired. The doctor did an exam and could feel his pulse very distinctly in his stomach. You really aren't supposed to feel that there. When you do it is a sign (as are all of the complaints he went in for) that you have an aortic aneurysm. If that ruptures, that's it. You die. My grandfather had one almost 4 years ago. His was successfully repaired. It was very scary and he was so weak for so long. In fact, once you have that, if you make it through they guarantee only that you will reach about 90% of where you were before. My brother is married. He has a step-daughter in 4th grade. He has a son who will be 3 in January. This CAN NOT be happening.

As if that isn't bad enough, my brother then asked the doctor to take a look at something else. Said he was sure it was nothing and was much smaller and going away, but could he please look anyway. My brother has a lump inside his mouth. It's sort of under his tongue and beneath the jaw bone (for those of you who do the BBT thing, it's in the location where they reccomend you put your thermometer to temp...that little pocket). His concern with this is that, well, he's been chewing tobacco since his high school baseball team started doing it together in the late 80's. It's definitely in the lymph glands. He is spending today getting a cat scan for the aneurysm, lots of blood work to determine if he has cancer. The doctor said he suspects Non-Hodgkins lymphoma, but that he honestly doesn't think it's cancerous.

So last night, I lay in bed for hours praying. Repeating over and over, "Please, God, just heal my brother. Please."

I spoke to my mom before bed and I told her how people keep saying that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. She said in her experience that's been true, but she is also of the opinion that we really don't have reason to be this much stronger.

Um....this is extremely poorly written today. Sorry. Best I can do. But please, pray for my brother (and for the rest of us as we rapidly reach insanity). Think whatever positive thoughts, whatever it is you do when things are bad. We definitely need it now.

   [ posted  @ 7:50 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (5) ]
   [ E-mail this Post ]



  Comments about my post, "Oh no....":
I am thinking and praying for all of you.
Prayers for you and your family. I'm so sorry. I know how hard this is. My brother died when he was 16 from an undetected heart ailment, so I know how scary it is to go in for feeling run down and then finding out it's something much, much worse.

Thinking of you.

Emily
scrambledeggs
Good lord...this universe just doesn't know when to quit. I'm so, so sorry you're dealing with this on top of everything else.

Please let me know if I can do anything. Anything. I mean that.
Oh wow. it just doesn't stop does it? I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you.
Laura
You, your brother, and your family are in my thoughts during this difficult time.


 
[=
Archives=]
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
February 2010
May 2010
June 2010
March 2011
April 2011
August 2011


[=Links=]
A Little Pregnant
Barren Mare
Broken or Not
BrooklynGirl
Chez Miscarriage
Fractured Fairytale
Hardscrabble
Here Be Hippogriffs
Horkin Ramblings
Never Ever Late
One Pink Line
The RE's Muse
Scrambled Eggs
So Close
Uncommon Misconception
The Unproductive Reproductive
Wasted Birth Control


[=Powered By=]


[=Designed By=]


Customized by Miss W
Scripts / Code by "Mr. W"


Send Miss W. E-Mail!