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   Tuesday, November 02, 2004  

Three Time Loser

I spent the day in bed with little bleeding. Then from 3 to 5, I was on the phone with a friend. When I got off the phone, I went in the bathroom and was bleeding profusely and had passed some (smallish) clots. I changed pads and decided to wait exactly one hour to see how heavy the bleed actually was. I ate some egg drop soup and an egg roll while I waited. It was heavy.

I called. It was Dr. P on call. He said to go to the ER. We got there and as they were getting ready to check me in they were talking about everything that a doctor wanted done, betas, and cbc, and on and on. When I gave them my name, they said "Oh" and picked up the phone to page Dr. P. They did my paperwork and I waited and waited for a bed. About 20-30 minutes of waiting and Dr. P came in FURIOUS that I wasn't in a bed. He went in the back, demanded a room for me, so they got busy with the cleaning. He came out to the waiting room and sat beside me until they had it ready. He took me back. And while I was in the bathroom changing into my gown, he was talking to my husband and wiping away his own tears.

He did a pelvic exam. The first speculum he grabbed was large and HURT. He immediately threw it down and searched for a smaller one. The nurse was shocked--she said she'd never had a doctor who cared. I said "yes, but I kick." All that to say, my cervix was closed. He left for a bit while they got me scheduled in to the ultrasound upstairs. I watched TV for about 30 minutes. Then they took me up. I waited about 5 minutes in a hallway as there was only one tech working. Dr. P came up then and waited beside me the whole time. He went in with them for the ultrasound. They saw a clot above the baby in my uterus. They also saw no heartbeat. Dr. P was so upset. Instead of taking me back to the ER, he wheeled me straight into pre-op. Within 15 minutes, he had rushed through all the paperwork, had me hooked up with anesthesia and I was being wheeled into the OR.

I just got home. I'm not in pain. In fact, I'm bleeding less than I was before the surgery. I'm just really numb. I haven't had time to feel this yet. But now I have to have the HSG and the endometrial biopsy and the barrage of other things that I thought weren't going to be necessary. I now truly meet the criterion of recurrent spontaneous aborter.

Really wish that I didn't fit into that group. There are so many of you all whom I love dearly. I just didn't want to be one of you. Just as none of you did either.

   [ posted  @ 1:45 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (13) ]
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  Comments about my post, "Three Time Loser":
Shit, shit, shit. I am so so sorry, truly I am.

Know that I'm thinking of you.
I am so shocked and so sorry.

So sorry.
Shit, shit, shit.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss; so sorry this is happening to you.

Take good care of yourself.


I'm so, so sorry. Please let me know if there's anything I can do.
I am so incredibly sorry. You are in my thoughts.
Motherfucking shit.

I know sorry doesn't begin to express how I feel for you...but I am, truly sorry.

Let me know if you need ANYTHING.

Love you...
I'm so sorry sweety. I wish you didn't have to join the group either.

Hopefully the HSG and biopsy will tell you something. Something good, something treatable.

Thinking of you always.

From the bottom of my heart...I am so very sorry.

We are here for you.

Fractured Fairytale
*hugs lots and lots*

oh hon... I am oh so sorry :( It's just not fair. :(

I hopped here fron another blogger. I am sorry for your loss...what a sad day for you. I will say some prayers. alex/the infertile gourmet
I am so sorry. The pain you must be going through... ACH!

I am so very sorry for your loss. What a sad, terrible thing--I keep wishing there was a way we could "fix" this for you, that we could do something to help you. Lacking that, I'll have to just let you know how sorry I am, and that you're in my thoughts and prayers.
I am sorry. I havent been able to post until now as I lost mine much the same way.

Thinking of you.

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