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   Tuesday, December 14, 2004  

In which I ramble for the sake of posting

Each day I wake up and think I'll post something. But frankly, I haven't had much to say. Nothing has changed. I'm still fighting feelings of guilt. I am still so sad and generally just...bad.

Finally, 40 days after my D&C, my body has become somewhat normal again. I called my doctor on Friday, cd1 and scheduled my HSG. I'll have that this Friday. I tried to schedule the endometrial biopsy that he also mentioned wanting to do, but the nurse couldn't find record of when during the cycle he wanted it. So, I called his office yesterday and he said that there is now no time to schedule it for this month so I'll have it done in January.

That one test being scheduled in January set me off. I was crying in the middle of the newsroom (where I work) as a result. I had expected to have my testing done by the end of the year. I was planning to have been given a different protocol for treating my pregnancies and begin trying again with the January cycle. And now I have to wait another full month. All in all, this is not making me happy and I, quite frankly, do not have the mental capability at the moment to process anything more. Maybe next week, when my finals are over and I'm on vacation, I'll have the ability to post something substantial.

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