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   Thursday, May 26, 2005  

Checking in

I can't believe it's Thursday already. On Tuesday, I had to drive the 5 hours back downstate for the first session of my last grad class. It's over June 30. I should be there for class tonight, but have an AM appointment with the maternal-fetal medicine dept. here and couldn't figure out a way to make the drive and be on time for my appointment.

To make it easier, I explained the situation to my professor who revealed to me that she, too, is infertile. Apparently, she has Crohn's disease, which I know nothing about, but it is the reason she couldn't have biological children. She has two children (adopted at 9 days and 2 days) who are grown. She was fully understanding of my situation and said that she would be praying for the best this time around.

My bleeding is all but gone; back to the occasional light staining. I'm not happy with that, but it's better than what I had last Wednesday and Thursday.

I got copies of all my records from my OB downstate to give to the doctors up here. And I did a very strange thing. I looked through them and found the karyotype of the child I lost in November. I had a daughter. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's something I've wanted to know, but not enough to actually ask my doctor because I wasn't sure how I would react. My reaction was, "Oh. A girl. Well, need to go to Border's...there are a few books I want to buy." And I still haven't had a "reaction" of any kind. I just know that I lost a little girl, who would have, I'm quite certain, been beautiful.

My husband talked to my friend yesterday. Her neurologist is making her go to Columbia-Presbyterian to see the neurologists there. She didn't mention any more seizures to my husband but she is having severe headaches to the point of vomiting...every day. Her current neurologist told her that it's an extremely bad sign for her pregnancy and won't treat her anymore; he insists she move from his care in Westchester down to NYC. I'm worried about her, but she told me none of this so I don't know how to bring it up with her. And quite frankly, I've been so damn worried about my own uterus that I don't know how much capacity I have to actually focus on someone else's. She found out she's having a son though, so I'm assuming she's at least 20 weeks now...she's due in October...how far would she be? I feel like a really bad friend for not knowing; it's just been so hard on me with the way she told me and then having to go through the Clomid and this pregnancy that just feels so strange to me...so very strange.

And that is the update of the goings on in the world of the W's. I'll try to post something tomorrow after the appointment; no guarantees since we have to drive back downstate for the weekend and I think we're leaving directly from the doctor's office.

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  Comments about my post, "Checking in":
Glad to hear the bleeding has all but gone--here's hoping it stays away.

And I know what you mean about the karotype. When I found out that the baby I lost last August was a boy, well, my heart just about shattered into millions of pieces (if it would have been possible to break even more). How I'm hoping you won't know that pain ever again.

And I'm still hoping for the best for the W family this go'round--NBHHY!

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