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   Monday, May 16, 2005  

The one with no title because it's 6:30 a.m. and I'm too tired!

I don't know how I feel. The staining issue continues. It's not all the time, but it is every day. I'd say about 50-70% of the time I go to the bathroom it's there. This morning it was quite a lot of dark burgandyish red. None in my panties, not a flow, just...there on the TP. I've given up questioning it. Though every time I go into a bathroom I'm chanting in my head "Ok baby...be good...don't scare the mommy." When there is no pink or red, I thank the baby. When it's there? I remind the baby that this is SCARING me and that I'd really like to not be scared.

I'll get the results of Friday's beta today. We'll see. I'm just so...scared...anxious...uneasy? I'm not sure how best to describe it this time.

Yesterday was Mr. W and his mother's birthday. He turned 29, she turned 58 (he was born on her 29th birthday). Mr. W packed things all day yesterday and then we met his parents and sister for dinner. (On a fun note: it was his birthday, yet his parents had spent the afternoon at the mall with his turning-25 sister buying her clothes because "she's poor" -- yet she makes enough money in commissions (she's in sales at a publishing company) that she can afford whatever she wants -- AND they pay HALF of her rent each month! And her cable bill! And her internet!)

Hoping that I can get through the day easily without any more bleeding incidents. I'm just so so scared. So scared. I just can't picture a pregnancy working out. I want it to, so badly, but I have no idea how it is that one actually does. I did try the bribery thing. Saturday Mr. W and I were in NJ at Ikea. This little girl was bouncing around while we were waiting for our furniture to be brought out from the back. She was playing with a frog that she bought inside -- it's a big green frog wearing a gold crown and if you pull his tongue, it's a zipper that opens his mouth and there's a fly embroidered inside. And it was so adorable. Mr. W and I talked about it in the car and decided that the baby, which kind of looks like a shrimp at this stage of development also looks like a tadpole and tadpoles turn into frogs. And then? Mr. W pulled into the Ikea parking lot in Paramus on the way back home. We went inside and bought the frog. Our baby now has a plush elephant rattle and that frog. I just hope it's enough to stick around for.

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  Comments about my post, "The one with no title because it's 6:30 a.m. and I'm too tired!":
Anxiously awaiting most recent beta. Our thoughts are with you.

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