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   Thursday, May 19, 2005  

This just in:

HCG yesterday was 19,572. This is almost exactly double Monday's roughly 9-10,000 (I know it was in the 9,000s...I think around 9,800, but was so shell shocked Tuesday that I don't exactly know for sure).

My progesterone was 111, which is much higher than the "good" range, though lower than the "over 200" it's been since I started taking 100mg of Prometrium twice a day.

Dr. P said that he understands my tension and nerves with my previous losses and all the bleeding going on, but he reiterates that the hormone levels are good, that the ultrasound Tuesday showed no blood in the uterus, that it all appears to be coming from this polyp-like cyst. But he also reminded me that his hands are tied; if he removes the polyp/cyst it won't bleed any more, but he fears it would cause me to miscarry. So...I just wait on a daily basis for the hormone levels to come in. Damn, I'm scared. Beyond belief. I don't know what to think. I don't want to be pessimistic and assume the baby is dying; I don't want to get my hopes up only to have them come crashing down. In general, I really just don't want to think about the whole situation, but I know that there is no way possible for me to think of anything else. No matter what I'm doing, it comes to mind. If I'm working; reading a magazine; watching TV; talking on the phone. It just doesn't matter. I can focus on nothing else. The minute I have to go to the bathroom, I know.

(Also...on that whole stomach/bowel pain issue? It's not really that hard for me to believe that is all that it was. I just realized I hadn't done more than pee in the bathroom since some time Monday, possibly Sunday. Of course, it also isn't hard for me to believe it was related to the baby because during my period, my bowels are always the affected area. Though this was somewhat different as a lot of the pain was up above my belly button, definitely in stomach territory. Just waiting for the blood draw tomorrow to have an idea what it is...and OH MY GOD...I won't know the results until MONDAY---that's FOUR days before I'll get another confirmation of the progression (or non-progression) of my baby. Shouldn't that be illegal???)

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  Comments about my post, "This just in:":
For some reasong NBHHY comes to mind. I will keep this in mind for you sweetie.

And yes, that should be illegal.
I second Blue's comment: NBHHY. Hang in there, we're rooting right along with you and for you!

C'mon little one!
FYI - being pregnant also messes up your bowels, so that could be it, too :)

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