The one where I really have nothing to say
I had a post in my head earlier today. Of course, blogger wouldn't let me in at the time. Now? It is gone.
Tomorrow marks 14 weeks. I am going out of my mind waiting until July 22 for the next office visit. I'm already itching to get back in there and find something out. I think there out to be a rule stating that OB appointments must occur on a weekly basis just to keep women from losing their fucking minds!
I still haven't told the rest of my family. Most of them don't know I'm pregnant yet. In fact, many of them don't know that there were 3 pregnancies; they only know about the first one.
And now as I think about it, it isn't "most" of my family who don't know. My mom knows (so does my step-dad, whom I adore!); her parents know; her sister knows, as does her sister's daughter; her brother and his wife might know (never know if the grandparents have mentioned it or not). Many of my mom's mom's brothers and sisters know (I think, though I didn't tell them). My own brother and his wife know as do their two children (their 3 year old son made my parents print a picture of an ultrasound that he carries everywhere telling people that that is his aunt's baby but they can't hold it because it's still in her belly).
People who don't know include my step-dad's six brothers and sisters (yes, I said six. They're a very fertile family) and any of their children. My step-dad's mother does know, however and is quite excited. She is one of the few who was told about all of the others along the way.
And I suppose I should admit that my father does not know. I rarely speak to him, and he almost never calls me. The last time I spoke to him might have been in January when I needed medical history for an RE's evaluation. I didn't even see him over Christmas even though he lives just 10 minutes from my mom (at the time, 12 hours from where I lived). Obviously if he doesn't know, neither does his wife or the two children they adopted (and I do resent their adoption; I'm terrible I know. It was done while I was in high school, with no advance warning to me or my brother. And they chose to adopt because, as my step-mother so eloquently put it, "I will not have a child who could be less than perfect, like your other daughter."). My dad's mom and step-dad do not know; my dad's brother does not know; my dad's three sisters do not know.
I am just having a very hard time finding the words to tell any of these people without it coming out...strangely. I'm not ready to hear all the congratulations. I want them to know that there have been major hurdles to get here and that there are still major hurdles to cross before we know if this will work. I don't like to say it, but I know that I am at risk for 2nd trimester fetal death if my uterus can't expand enough. My RE said, "I guarantee it can probably go to 30 weeks." Not the most reassuring statement. And even if I do make it to 30 weeks, that is no guarantee that my child will be alright. So, I keep putting off telling people.
My grandpa (mom's dad) suggested I just wait until after the child is born and send out pictures with a note that says, "Hey, look what we made!"
Rambling. End post.
