The one with even more neuroses
Today I am 13 weeks pregnant. I am still uncomfortable with the entire situation. I have another appointment with the perinatologist tomorrow. This will be my first appointment without an ultrasound scheduled. Since we were able to hear a heartbeat with the doppler on the last visit, they don't think it's necessary to do another ultrasound.
Proving my neuroses once again (as if anyone needs further proof of that!), Mr. W wants to rent a doppler ... But I won't let him. My biggest fear is that if we rent one, we would have a problem before it gets here. On the other hand, I can't go two weeks between appointments again without some kind of proof that things are still ok. I can go one week without completely losing it, but two is just too much.
And as I slowly get past the fear of miscarriage, I begin to fear the issues of incompetent cervix and pre-term labor that are common among women with uterine anomalies. In addition to that, for the past three generations, Mr. W's family have produced abnormally LARGE babies (literally, his grandmother? a 14 pound baby. His mother? 10 pounds. Mr. W? 12 pounds. His sister? 10 pounds...and she was induced a full MONTH early because the doctors feared the size she would reach if she went full term! Now, with my small ute...how exactly can I handle something like that??? I fear it now because members of my family, when looking at pictures of me taken two days ago said, "You look at least 5 months!!!" and, "Are you sure this isn't twins??") November, when I hit 30 weeks, just seems so very far away and so impossible to achieve.
I just wish I could decide if renting a doppler would make me feel better...or worse. I simply don't know what the right thing to do is.