Thursday, August 11, 2005
GAR!!!! STOP EATING MY POSTS!!
I just wrote a really long post. Expressing all of my fears and doubts. And then? Stupid stupid stupid blogger ate it!
Long story short: 18 weeks today.
Fears: too many to count, including things like the risks (classified as 'very rare') of cerclage (yet they are never quantified and I'm afraid to see them quantified. Some might consider 10 or even 20% to be rare; I do not. So I want to think of 'very rare' as 0.000000000001% -- and if you know otherwise? SHUT UP!), fear that cerclage won't work, fear of how cerclage is performed, fear of the pain/blood caused from it (I don't know if those are a result of it, but I can't imagine it isn't), fear that I won't need one yet, fear that I will, fear that I will deliver too prematurely, fear that I will deliver at a point where more survive than do not but having to deal extensively with the NICU and how I will be able to deal with it, fear that I'll be on bed rest throughout the rest of the pregnancy, fear that I won't be on bed rest. The list goes on.
In short, I'm still pregnant, no bad symptoms (cramps, pain, bleeding), still in bed, scared out of my mind about anything and everything.
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