Miss W -->

   Friday, August 05, 2005  

The news it is scary

Today's ultrasound went well. Still no clue as to the baby's sex; my child has a stubborn streak. But we found the second kidney today! It was just...there! The baby's heartbeat has remained steady and strong, the baby wiggled non-stop throughout the ultrasound (but chose to roll over so that when it was videotaped, all we got were shots from the back).

Now for the scary part. Since we started the weekly ultrasounds, my cervix has measured anywhere between 3.5 and 3.9 cm. The changes in measurements are based on the angle from which the measurement was taken. There was absolutely no change from the first measurement on July 22 to the next one on July 29. (As an aside, I had a measurement done at my doctor's office downstate before moving here at 9.5 weeks that was 3.95 cm)

Today, there was a change. My cervix now measures 2.6 cm. The perinatologist on duty at the office today (head of maternal-fetal medicine at the local hospital and director of the practice I go to) said that she feels things are still OK. She said that measurements from 2.0 to 2.5 cm she puts patients on strict bed rest. She also said that at 2.1 cm, she would very definitely reccomend cerclage. Yet she doesn't think that I need that yet. She wants to wait to see next week's measurement. She was encouraged because I have felt no pain, had no bleeding and no cramping.

I did a quick refresher in Google-ology as I searched for information about cerclage. Of course, what I found is that cerclage is not a guarantor that things will be alright. There is no hard evidence that it prevents pre-term labor. None at all. There is also no evidence to suggest that it doesn't do just that. In short? Nobody knows. And it's scary as all hell.

I broke down and cried for about 15 minutes when I got home before I could pull myself together. I am now determined to stay in bed for at least the next week (or, you know, the rest of this pregnancy) and stay as hydrated as is possible.

I placed a call to my downstate doctor's office to find out what their policy on cerclage is and if they think that my current doctor should be more aggressive right now. I only know that at 17 weeks, I have to stay pregnant a minimum of another 9 weeks, having looked up survival rates at 26 weeks. Not ideal, but that's my first mini-goal...make it another 9 weeks (Oct. 6). After that, my goal will be to go another 2 weeks to hit 28 weeks (Oct. 20). The final goal that I have is anther two weeks after that (Nov. 3). I just don't know if I can do it. I'm so, so terrified.

As much as I wanted to not bond yet, to not be attached so that I wouldn't feel the pain and devastation...I bonded. I love this child whole-heartedly. I do not think that I can manage through another very bad thing. I just can't. I'm too broken for that. (And yet, even as I type, this little one is wiggling within me, reminding me once again of his/her presence and I can't help but fall deeper in love...while I try my hardest not to...just in case).

Because I am going to be in bed for the foreseeable future, please, don't expect much in the way of posting right now. I promise to post if there is a change of any kind. And I will post after each doctor's visit. But in the meantime, I don't have a lot to say. I'm scared. I'm becoming somewhat numb. I only hope that my doctors are being aggressive enough and not waiting too long to do something that could save my baby's life. As it stands, I just don't know.

   [ posted  @ 2:18 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (2) ]
   [ E-mail this Post ]

  Comments about my post, "The news it is scary":
I'm pleased to hear that you're taking to bed of your own accord. Not happy about why but I'd probably feel the same, because if you don't you'll be worrying twice as much. I look forward to infrequent updates that last all the way to November.......if you know what I mean.
I really feel for you; it must be so scary. I'm glad you're on bedrest though. It just seems like better being safe than sorry. Catch up on some bad TV, read a few books. The time will pass quicky and in no time, you'll be taking care of your dear baby.

Take care.

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
February 2010
May 2010
June 2010
March 2011
April 2011
August 2011

A Little Pregnant
Barren Mare
Broken or Not
Chez Miscarriage
Fractured Fairytale
Here Be Hippogriffs
Horkin Ramblings
Never Ever Late
One Pink Line
The RE's Muse
Scrambled Eggs
So Close
Uncommon Misconception
The Unproductive Reproductive
Wasted Birth Control

[=Powered By=]

[=Designed By=]

Customized by Miss W
Scripts / Code by "Mr. W"

Send Miss W. E-Mail!