What's a Sunday night without a trip to L&D?
I have to say, I am the world's biggest panicker. Tonight, I had to pee...a lot. Literally, I went 12 times in two hours. Three of those times were in a span of 15 minutes. On one of the trips, I noticed the tiniest bit of blood on the toilet paper. It was literally the width of a hair and maybe 1/4 - 1/3 of an inch. I knew it was nothing to be concerned about, but didn't want to risk downplaying anything.
I called the emergency number for my doctor's office. The peri on call felt that it was likely nothing and most probably a urinary tract infection. He said that I could wait and call in Monday morning or go in to the hospital tonight. I told him I would consider and call him back. Mr. W made the decision: we went to L&D.
When I got there, I had to pee in a cup and then strip for an exam. Urine came back clear and with no evidence of blood but was being sent down to the lab for further culture; I'll be contacted if there is anything. Then came the pelvic exam. Which HURTS VERY BADLY if you have been on pelvic rest since immediately following ovulation. My mucus plug was intact. My cervix was tightly closed. There was no evidence of blood anywhere in my vagina or on my cervix. Negative for amniotic fluid. So, we've now checked two areas and found no blood.
And then the doctor asked to do a rectal exam. I didn't want to, but consented. And that's where he found the culprit. I have several very small hemorrhoids, one of which was extremely red and irritated. He said that was the only area down there that appears to have any ability to have been the source of the tiny amount of blood.
So, as if that weren't enough to humiliate me...letting the entire internet know that I can't tell the difference between blood from the front and blood from the back...here's one more thing. During the "clean catch" urine sample, I managed somehow while sitting on the toilet to pee on all of the following:
- The toilet seat
- My right hand
- My left hand
- The floor
- My right foot
- My left foot
- My underwear
- My thighs
I have no idea how that happened. None. I only know that I felt like a total fool and spent a few minutes trying to clean a hospital bathroom in labor and delivery triage. Remarkably, for all that I peed on everything else, I managed to avoid peeing on my Doc Marten sandals (which are most unattractive but are beyond comfortable and I make no apologies for the ugly footwear that make my feet look like Fred Flintstone). I think that took some little bit of skill. I'm also impressed that I didn't get urine on my arms, my face, or my hair (which has now grown so long that it reaches my butt and the bed rest prevents me from getting anything done with it) -- I'm not sure how it would have gotten to any of those places, but then, I'm not sure how it got any of the places that it did. I'm just talented like that.