Monday, November 07, 2005
As of 4:12 am, my son is now one week old.
I can't believe it. It seems like he's been with me forever, yet no time at all. I can't remember how my life functioned or what purpose I served in the grand scheme of things before him. I told Mr. W that last night and he said, "Sure you remember. That's when our lives were lonely and empty only we were too stupid to realize it." When we did begin to realize it and started trying to start our family two years ago we were optimistic about everything. And then it all fell apart and I didn't know when, how, or if I would ever be able to do this. I only knew that I couldn't stop trying. I wanted to, but I couldn't.
From my vantage point now, I am thrilled that I didn't stop. I can't imagine my life without Timmy.
It's amazing the way things change so quickly.
Now for the updates. Timmy did really well with his 2 cc/3 hours feeds. For a while. He handled 3 feedings no problem. But we had to skip the 4th as his tummy just wasn't done digesting all of the third. He was fine for the next several, but then had another that didn't get finished digesting. At that point, the doctors decided they would switch him down to only 1 cc ever 3 hours to let him get used to it. They also had to adjust his nasal cannula back to 2 L of room air from the 1.5 L they had backed down to. To me, it makes sense. I couldn't believe it when they turned down his cannula and started him on way more feeds and larger quantities than they had told me they would the day before. It's strange because he's ready, but not completely. He's just right on the borderline.
During evening rounds last night, the decision was made to stop feeds overnight. He had digested all of his food, but had 2 cc of mucus/gastric juices in his stomach. He has the same problem his mommy does right now -- he's just not pooping regularly. So they put him back on glycerin shaves (tiny pieces of pediatric suppositories) every 12 hours to help him feel those sensations. He has gone on his own without them, but that was before the introduction of the milk. The thought is that if he has the shaves every 12 hours, it will teach him that sensation, help him to clear out the mucus/gastric juices, and allow him to digest better so that he can take more milk.
It's amazing how strong he is for such a little guy. I am so damned proud of him. He's been a fighter from the start. He took on my fucked up uterus and he WON! I just can't wait until I'm able to hold him whenever I want. The only times I'm truly happy during the day are the times when I'm holding him, taking his temperature, changing his diaper, feeling him close to me. I melt every time he looks at me. I have never seen a child so perfect and so beautiful. And as I look around Timmy's pod, I see how really good we have it. He's in such a better place than many of the other babies there. Today Timmy's gestational age would be 30 weeks 4 days; 7 days of NICU life down; 7 days closer to bringing him home.
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