Monday, December 12, 2005
In which I realize I don't have it so bad after all
Timmy is not home yet (obviously) and we don't know when he will be. He's fine -- was checked for infection (again) and there is no evidence to suggest he has one though all of the results of the blood work/urine analysis and cultures are not in. The part that is in is all normal, so yay for that! He's gained another 40 grams putting him at 17something...which equates to 3 lb 14 oz. Almost four pounds -- only 2 oz (60 grams) to go!
The baby beside us was also supposed to go home today. A little girl. Her parents' first. She was also doing just great. And then they did a head ultrasound. She thought it was routine since Timmy was also having one. Timmy's was his 6 week ultrasound to check for neurological development and ensure there were no hemorrhages (a word I can't spell and am too lazy to spellcheck). His came back clear.
Hers was for another reason. Apparently a nurse felt her soft spot and thought it felt too "full." So...they checked it out. And she has hydrocephaly. They are doing an MRI and a CT scan tonight to determine if there is an obvious cause for the fluid buildup (a blood clot, etc.). She may have her head tapped (like a keg to release the fluid). She may have a shunt to release the fluid. Or she may have to have full out brain surgery to fix/remove whatever the cause of the pressure and fluid buildup turns out to be.
All in all, our room was a devastating place to be today. First I lost it because Timmy didn't want to eat, had dropped his temperature significantly at one point and then had to have an NG tube inserted because his food/calorie intake was not at the minimum level. Then the mom next to me found out about her little girl. And both of us felt like we had been hit by a truck by the end of the day -- so close to home, yet neither of us making it.
Granted, she was hit by a much larger, much more scary truck than I was. Timmy could still be home this week. And I know I still have much to be grateful for. Strangely, one of those things is an overly cautious attending neonatologist who will not let my son come home before he is absolutely ready.
(And in an odd bit of foreshadowing, the other mom and I were talking early in the day, long before she spoke with the doctor. And I said that I was feeling down and followed up with this gem: "Just imagine how you would feel if you were told that she wasn't coming home today after that was already a done deal." Seriously. I said that. Shoot me now. I know I didn't know and had no way of knowing and for that matter neither did the other mom, but dammit -- I wish I could go back and unsay that. I don't want that to be in her memory. I just don't.)
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