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Wednesday, January 31, 2007
I've never claimed that my thinking is in any way logical. But where I'm at today is throwing even me for a loop.
About a week ago, my "period" ended. It was strange...about 4 days that was so light that it never required so much as a panty liner. Followed by nothing for a day or so. And then about a day and a half that was more normal but still very light. And then it was over.
I started noticing an odd feeling in my hip joints when I went to bed. My boobs felt...somehow different. Not painful to the touch per se, but a definite ache.
Still, the Mr. and I knew it couldn't be possible. I'm not taking any type of birth control but we have used condoms, so really, not possible.
And yet somehow my body was feeling as it commonly does in early pregnancy -- and the period was remarkably similar to the one I had the first time I got a positive test.
Last night on the way home from dinner with friends, we bought a pack of cheap tests. Of course the first one had not so much a control line in the alotted time and 3 hours later when I went to bed it finally showed as negative. Obviously, the test was defective and couldn't be trusted -- 3 hours to do 3 minutes of work!
So I tested again this morning and within the time limit got a clear negative.
And here's where I make less sense than usual:
I'M SAD!
I didn't want to be pregnant. I don't want to be. At least, I thought that I didn't. And I'm not going to try to get that way. My son is too young, I'd have to hire a nanny since I'd end up on bed rest. I'm having too much fun with him and don't want him to have to share his toddler time with a little baby who will need me more than he does. I want him to continue to be the center of the world for a while longer.
And yet I'm still sad. I keep walking past the bathroom willing myself to see the faintest vertical line turning that negative minus into a plus.
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Monday, January 15, 2007
The real trouble begins!
The lowercase took his very first step on Saturday. He fell attempting step #2, but there was a step there! A while later he managed two steps before falling on step #3. Sunday and today he attempted the look-Ma-no-hands two-step only once or twice.
He still prefers crawling and loses his balance easily (and quickly!) when standing without holding on to something.
But, I think we're on the edge of something huge here!
(Also, the lack of posting that has become even worse of late? My little one falls to pieces if I sit at my desk and I can't bear to make him cry. And if I pull out the laptop, he's convinced he needs to help which has resulted in keyboards having to be put back together hillbilly style and he managed to pull the power cord and break the connector to the motherboard -- my laptop is now held together by bits of paper clip and some scary electronics super-glue stuff. So, I can't really use it either as I don't think it can take much more!)
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