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   Wednesday, August 22, 2007  

The lowercase has discovered Thomas the Tank Engine. He simply adores that blue engine. The instant he wakes up each day, he politely informs me (by shouting at top volume) "I want choo choo!!!!" And he keeps reminding me until I turn on his small train set -- now with added track and a second engine (Emily, pronounced "AngLee" in our house) thanks to the Mr.'s obsession with model trains. After breakfast, I get another round of "I want choo choo! Oh no AngLee! A Thomaaaa! I want choo choo!" So during most of the day, to keep the screaming at bay, I've been playing a DVD of Thomas (we're on day 3 wheeeeeee!). He largely ignores it, though the opening and closing songs and one about determination make him stop, giggle, bounce and dance while chanting "Yooogik! Yooogik!" (He does love his yoogik and has even figured out how to make the alarm clock play music while I'm still sleeping. I just love this mobile, independent, non-crib, uncontained phase!) At bed time, we get another round of choochoo time. The child's obsession is so intense that he actually dreams about choo choos. I know because he now talks in his sleep. And, you guessed it...he says "Choochoo! I want choo choo! AngLee! A Thomaaa!"

It was cute the first day. But it's day 3 now. Wheeeeee!


In other news, I am insane. Completely. Mr. W still has no desire to discuss the possibility of another child in any way. So of course, this month I'm totally half convinced that I'm pregnant anyway. CD1 was July 31 (yes, that is what I got myself for my 30th birthday). On CD 13, I had spotting -- but I have NEVER had any kind of mid-month bleeding in my life except while pregnant. So then I wondered if the momentary lapse in judgement before grabbing a prophylactic mid-action about a week earlier had anything to do with it. Of course, that would have meant I would have ovulated the instant my period ended, but you know...I'm crazy. This is how my mind works. So now on CD23 I have ever so slightly sore boobs and have been feeling nauseated for days. Obviously, I must be pregnant. Except that logically it isn't even possible and I know that. And the nausea can be easily explained since Mr. W had to stay home from work today due to his having felt nauseated for several days as well.

All in all, I'm not posting much because there isn't much going on except for all the wonderful squishy goodness of my lowercase and too many vacations (3 since the end of July). And I feel that there is a limit to how often I can say that I want more children and my husband doesn't and how can I ever survive with this one perfect, beautiful, incredible child? (I know. I'm lucky, I should just be happy with what I've got, but when what you've got is so perfect, how could you not want more of it?)

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This may be totally unhelpful advice, but I look at having only one child as being similar to having only one spouce. My relationship with my husband is special because I have only one husband. My relationship with my child is special because I have only one child. I was trying to explain this to someone else, and I could tell that they didn't agree with me. Probably most mothers wouldn't agree with me.

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