Miss W -->

   Sunday, November 11, 2007  

I surrender....all?

This morning I decided to take the lowercase to church on my own.  Normally, if the Mr. and I can't both go, we skip it.  I had no idea how difficult it would be to keep him in check on my own.  Of course, there is the whole church nursery thing and in theory that would be a good option.  But in practice?  Not so much.  So he sits with us during the service.

The topic of today's sermon was surrendering to God.  It's something that I struggle with.  I just can't ever bring myself to fully turn things over to Him.  The easiest way to describe it is that I ask for help but then say screw it and try to do it myself.  Obviously, this isn't a healthy way to live.

For those of you who aren't Christians, that might not seem like a big deal -- the inability to rely on something that isn't there*.  But it's not a problem that is exclusive to my relationship with Jesus.

It's something that I've struggled with all my life -- trusting someone else enough to surrender control to them.  I could never do it in my entire academic career.  Group projects literally made me ill.  I would panic at the mere mention that I might have to work in conjunction with someone else.  In one of my college science courses we were assigned to groups for paper writing.  Since I write a mean term paper (really -- I do -- my writings here wouldn't show it but research papers, grants, etc. -- that's my forte!), I volunteered to write every paper.  My group members simply had to collect the research, become an expert on whatever portion of the topic they were assigned to and teach it to me so that I could write our papers.

In personal relationships I tend to be the same way.  I need to be in control of so much.  I can't surrender control to anyone unless I absolutely have to.  I have to be in charge, I have to surmount obstacles and WIN at all costs.

I think this is my biggest flaw, my Achilles heel.  Admitting it is difficult.  Unfortunately, in order to overcome this, I'd need help...which I can't bring myself to ask for because I MUST CONQUER this.  Vicious cycle, no?  My need to control and succeed on my own prevents me from working on that flawed area of my person.

*In the opinion of the non-Christian; obviously I would disagree with that statement.

   [ posted  @ 7:45 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (0) ]
   [ E-mail this Post ]

  Comments about my post, "I surrender....all?":

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
February 2010
May 2010
June 2010
March 2011
April 2011
August 2011

A Little Pregnant
Barren Mare
Broken or Not
Chez Miscarriage
Fractured Fairytale
Here Be Hippogriffs
Horkin Ramblings
Never Ever Late
One Pink Line
The RE's Muse
Scrambled Eggs
So Close
Uncommon Misconception
The Unproductive Reproductive
Wasted Birth Control

[=Powered By=]

[=Designed By=]

Customized by Miss W
Scripts / Code by "Mr. W"

Send Miss W. E-Mail!