I e-mailed M. this morning. I told her that I would feel too guilty to ask her to be in pain/stay off her medications and wait for me -- a wait that could be 5 or 6 more months, or even another year. We're not cutting off communication by any stretch -- I really do like her and enjoy her e-mails. But she's going to keep looking. If she doesn't find anyone before she gets to be in too much pain, she'll go back on her medicine. If she's available and able when we're ready, she'll wean off her meds and we'll go from there.
It's not the resolution that I wanted, but it's the only one that's fair to her.
I'm just waiting for the day that somehow something in all of this gets to be fair to me.