Friday, December 17, 2004
My uterus has a first name....
I woke up today feeling extremely nervous. My HSG was at 12:45. I went to work from 9:00 to 12:00, then my husband and I drove to the hospital. Here are the results...
Please note the differences between "normal" and "me." My doctor saw this and said, "Huh, your uterus is shaped like a sausage...that could be the reason." This also explains our pattern of getting pregnant on the second month of trying and never the first. I can also assume by this that I would get pregnant not in the 3rd month, but the 4th. The dye only spilled on one side. I know that I do have a left ovary because I've seen it in ultrasounds. But the left tube is either non-existant or hopelessly blocked.
I am extremely angry right now. Not at Dr. P. He'd never seen me before my first pregnancy. He's only seen my uterus in an enlarged pregnant state. I've had no less than 15 ultrasounds in the past 12 months and 3 D&Cs. I would like to think that a structural problem of this magnitude would be noticed, however it wasn't. In fact, nobody noticed it. My anger lies squarely on the shoulders of Dr. R (pronounced "y" for he is Korean). He had ultrasounds done long before my husband and I were ever trying to become pregnant. Nearly 5 years ago, I had him check me out head to toe to make sure that my health problems were not going to be an issue. He assured me that they would not. And, while I trust the opinions of all the other doctors involved (pulmonologist, GP, orthopedic surgeon, genetic counsellor), I think Dr. R (pronounced "y") needs to be beaten. The ONE thing he should have checked himself and he didn't notice it? This man is a former chief of obstetrics at our region's premiere hospital for maternity patients! What the fuck?!?!
But more than anger, I feel a sadness so pervasive that I cannot describe it adequately. I want to have hope. I want to be positive, but looking at something like that, I don't see how it's possible. I leave tomorrow for Christmas with my family and return home late on December 29. December 31 I have a pelvic MRI to see if the outside shape of my uterus matches the inside shape. Just in case there is a possibility that we can somehow surgically correct that fucked up sausage of a uterus (hereafter to be referred to as "Li'l Smoky"). If not...can any of you spare some change to help finance an adoption? Volunteers to carry my child within your less-fucked up uterus will also be accepted. Trust me when I say, my husband, myself and Li'l Smoky will greatly appreciate it.
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