Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Yet another reason why I am a Bad Person
I need to begin by saying a heartfelt congratulations!
I am honestly very happy for these people. What is unfortunate is my state of mind at the time that I read their news. I had just read this heartbreaking post by MissZoot.
Now, I know as well as the next person that there is a very real possibility of a happy outcome for both of these wonderful couples. But instead of seeing that, I saw the path that I've trod. Repeatedly. For a year. And my heart breaks. The thought that these wonderful people could wind up like me is almost more than I can bear; it is, however, a thought that I cannot push out of my mind.
And then comes my horrible, illogical, gut reactions. MissZoot has been through this before and I honestly want nothing but the best for her. I also know the Cacti have had some issues, though they've never fully detailed more than the need to "#3 in a cup." Yet when I saw the picture of Mr. and Mrs. Cactus, all I could think was, "Why them? Why not me?"
I had to leave work immediately to avoid the inevitable breakdown. Just when I think I'm starting to be OK again (I was honestly overjoyed at the births of Julia's daughter and Tertia's twins; I was truly thrilled at Dee's, Heather's, and Sherry's twins...)only to discover that I'm only OK if I know that you, too, have fertility issues.
Apparently, I am still a bitter angry bitch. Fuck me.
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