Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Yet another reason why I am a Bad Person

I need to begin by saying a heartfelt congratulations!

I am honestly very happy for these people. What is unfortunate is my state of mind at the time that I read their news. I had just read this heartbreaking post by MissZoot.

Now, I know as well as the next person that there is a very real possibility of a happy outcome for both of these wonderful couples. But instead of seeing that, I saw the path that I've trod. Repeatedly. For a year. And my heart breaks. The thought that these wonderful people could wind up like me is almost more than I can bear; it is, however, a thought that I cannot push out of my mind.

And then comes my horrible, illogical, gut reactions. MissZoot has been through this before and I honestly want nothing but the best for her. I also know the Cacti have had some issues, though they've never fully detailed more than the need to "#3 in a cup." Yet when I saw the picture of Mr. and Mrs. Cactus, all I could think was, "Why them? Why not me?"

I had to leave work immediately to avoid the inevitable breakdown. Just when I think I'm starting to be OK again (I was honestly overjoyed at the births of Julia's daughter and Tertia's twins; I was truly thrilled at Dee's, Heather's, and Sherry's twins...)only to discover that I'm only OK if I know that you, too, have fertility issues.

Apparently, I am still a bitter angry bitch. Fuck me.

[ posted @ 7:38 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (6) ]
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Comments about my post, "Yet another reason why I am a Bad Person":

A "bitter, angry bitch"? No way. Human, maybe. Just like me, definitely. But bitchy? Bah!

- getupgrrl

[ Permalink ] posted by Anonymous : 9:30 PM

I think bitter just comes with the territory. Maybe it is not there every day, but on those bad ones, it's a real bitch.

Sending you my love. Wishing I could take all the pain away.

Moogielou

[ Permalink ] posted by Anonymous : 12:24 AM

Well then, I'm in good company because I feel the same way sometimes. Hell, I've got a whole blog devoted to angry and bitterness -- it's my theme.

Sending good thoughts your way.

xxoo,
Emily

[ Permalink ] posted by Anonymous : 12:48 AM

You're probably a nicer person than me, because when I saw that picture, I thought they looked pretty effing obnoxious.

Sorry, not in such a good mood, I suppose.

I do wish them well.

[ Permalink ] posted by chris : 8:04 PM

Well then I am a bad person too.

Infertility does this.

[ Permalink ] posted by Kath : 12:45 AM

Well, count me in, friend. I'm right there with you. I'm sorry you had such a horrible day.

[ Permalink ] posted by E. : 6:18 PM