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Friday, February 24, 2006
Another one about "The Breastfeeding"
The lowercase has learned to latch! He can only do it on the left if he hasn't first latched to the right (crazy differences in nipples making the left MUCH harder for him than the right and thus frustrating him if he has an easy latch first to the point that he'll cry rather than attempt to latch).
We did some weights, examined the daily caloric needs or an infant of his size and determined that he is a 50/50 baby! That's right! He now gets at least 50% of his feedings either directly from me or in the bottles that I have pumped! (That is, he gets about 7 oz [obviously usually more as the before/after weights were done when he was not hungry and had an overall really bad feeding] at the breast, 5 ounces of expressed breast milk, and 12 ounces of formula per day.)
My lactation consultant told me that we are one of her biggest success stories having made much progress in the 2 months she has worked with us. She encouraged me yet again to not give up as we are moving toward a point where it may actually become possible for him to eliminate even more formula from his diet. And we discussed our ultimate goal: when he begins eating solid foods, his needs from milk will be less thus allowing me to cut back the formula to the point that eventually all he will need is whatever food he is eating and to nurse. YAY!
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Thursday, February 23, 2006
Several weeks ago I posted about the need for a sling to visit my in-laws. That trip never happened.
My father-in-law was named executor of the estate of one of his firm's clients. In dispersing the property, a resort style hotel needed to be sold. A buyer was in place. But she was a whack job. (At the birth of my son, she repeatedly called my father-in-law...like every 2 minutes the cell phone rang regardless of his constantly telling her the timing was not right for a business call. We still don't understand why he never turned the damned cell phone off)
Things were held up and the sale had not been finalized (at one point because she decided that "3" was her lucky number and therefore even though it was more than the agreed upon price, all 7 digits must be 3). Then in his presence, she threatened the life of one of her backers and his family. We don't know all the details, but my father-in-law was frightened enough of the crazy that he filed harassment charges. This was all going on the weekend we were there and we felt that if she were crazy enough to threaten her financial backer's family (weapon of choice: fire while the family is sleeping) we didn't think it wise to be in my father-in-law's home after he pressed charges.
My in-laws didn't understand why this was a problem for us and why we would not come anyway.
The date got changed because of some remodeling being done at the real estate office Mr. W does network design/administration for on the side. We were going to be there for a four day weekend last week. My father-in-law got a serious cold, was tested for strep throat, and was placed on antibiotics. And they didn't understand why we wouldn't come.
This week we were going to go again. My father-in-law bought a hot dog at a gas station and within hours was violently ill. He swore it was just food poisoning, but we told them we couldn't take that risk. This morning they tried to convince us that it was a reaction to the antibiotics (you know, the ones he's been taking with no ill effects since last Friday).
They are actually upset that we refuse to stay with them this weekend -- we will be staying in a hotel about an hour and a half away from them (they are 30 minutes from the real estate office, we will be 45 minutes in the opposite direction) and will not be seeing them at all.
Now, I may have mentioned before that I find my in-laws to be odd. They just don't have a "family" vibe. They care about each other and their children but are cold and distant. Things are hidden in niceties. Dinners have to be fancy and frilly and all for show (and then my father-in-law will make a crude sex joke which is even more ill-placed in the setting designed by my mother-in-law and makes one feel that much more uncomfortable).
Things have gotten to the point of unforgivable with them, though. My mother-in-law actually said to Mr. W, "But you have to come. We were looking forward to seeing the baby. We haven't seen him since Thanksgiving."
They live four hours away and haven't seen their ONLY grandchild, the son of their oldest child (and only son) since Thanksgiving. For that matter, they've only seen him twice in his life -- the week he was born and Thanksgiving. We have invited them several times but have been told each time, "We have plans."
I'm hurt for my child who doesn't know his grandparents. I fear for the day that I have to put him in their arms, knowing that he'll cry at being held by a stranger (yes, I think it will be several more months and at a point where he recognizes the difference between someone he knows and a stranger before they see him). I am agonizing at the prospect of him in their home for a holiday meal as a toddler. This is a house where you aren't allowed to use the handrails on the stairway because, "it's brass and it will leave fingerprints," a house where men are forced to sit down to pee because, "it might splash and get on the rug." And my son will be there with grandparents he hardly knows and I fear for how uncomfortable he will be there.
But most of all, I'm hurt for Mr. W. Last night he was holding the lowercase and he said, "I don't know what the hell is wrong with your grandparents. You don't know them and they don't know you. But I think they love you. Anyway, we do and that is all that matters." Later in the night, he told me how hurt he was by all of it. How he wanted to scream at his mother for saying we had to come because they haven't seen the baby since Thanksgiving. He said that he didn't because he feared that he would never stop yelling at them for that once the floodgates were open, that this is something he feels is unforgivable. And all I could do was hug him and tell him that I love him and his son loves him and that he has my family who love him as if he were one of their own.
It's just so damned difficult. Watching my husband in obvious emotional pain, knowing that he feels rejected by his parents and that he, too, is acutely feeling the same pain for our son that I feel.
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Tuesday, February 21, 2006
This weekend, I've been doing a lot of soul searching and reminiscing.
I sent a gift to the mother of triplets who went to the same peri that I did. They were due after the lowercase and born before him (at 24 weeks). They've just been on my mind so often lately.
Then there was the news of the birth of light blue.
Today I got an email from a teacher I used to work with. One of the other teacher's in our building lost her husband yesterday. He was skiing and somehow lost control and went off the trail into a wooded area. He was only 56 and had just retired two years ago -- his wife was set to retire either this year or next and the two of them had such plans for what they were going to do with their retirement.
Finally, another teacher, who got married my last year there (2004), gave birth to her son over the weekend. I'm not sure when she was due, but I know that he was early. My friend said that she only knew he came early and weighed "1 + pounds."
So much going on. And it all makes me realize how truly blessed that I am.
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Monday, February 13, 2006
OH! MY! GOD!
The visit with the lactation consultant went really well today. We were able to get my little man to latch on one side. He fought it some, but in the end, he latched. He nursed for quite some time. We then tried to switch to the left side and he would not latch without the shield and cried hysterically. So, we grabbed the shield and he went to town. After about 5-10 minutes, we put him back to the first side (with the shield) where he nursed until he fell asleep. We started the feeding at 1:30 and figured he would wake up by 3:30, but at the moment, he's still sitting in his car seat fast asleep.
Now, when I went in her office, we intended to weigh him. As soon as I pulled him out of the carseat, I realized that the "gas" he had in the car was really a massive poop. Literally covered. To the soles of his feet covered. I think the backup has been cleared out.
Once he was cleaned up, we weighed him:
EIGHT POUNDS TWO OUNCES
(For those of you who are metrically minded: 3.7 kg)
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I'm so sorry it's been a while since I've posted. You see, things are not all sweetness and light for the lowercase at the moment.
I last posted about his incredible gas and the pain it was causing him. That has ceased.
His bowel movements have also ceased.
Not entirely, no, that would be much worse. He didn't go at all for the 24 hour period beginning Tuesday night and continuing until early Thursday morning. At that time, he began having dirty diapers at every diaper change. Except not really. The 9 (count them NINE) dirty diapers didn't even equal ONE of his usual two to three movements a day. So, Thursday night we saw the pediatrician.
She rubbed his belly in an effort to push things through. She did a bit of rectal stimulation. She cycled his legs. And then he went, ever so slightly. So, they sent that off to the lab for testing (results are still not reported to me as the lab didn't get the, er, sample until Friday morning). A nurse came in and gave him a glycerin suppository and we brought him home.
At 11:30 that night he went. Almost his normal volume. Very brown, very foul. We thought we were out of the woods.
Except that he didn't go again Friday. Mr. W and I gave him a suppository Friday night and SEVEN AND A HALF hours later, he went, but not a huge movement. Saturday we took him back to the peds and were, again, given a clean bill of health.
At 6 am Sunday morning, we had a small amount in the diaper. I did the rectal stimulation (gently rubbing a wipe on his bottom) and nothing happened. As I was reaching for the fresh diaper, a stream of thick brown foulness sprayed across the changing table.
And now? No more since then. My poor little man is trying to get it all out and just can't. He cries in his sleep as his body tries to work through it. So, today we will fill a prescription for him for a sort of baby laxative. A solution that will soften that which is backed up and allow him to push it through.
In the meantime, I am doing everything I can to work with my lactation consultant to get him off as much of the damned formula that I am certain is causing the constipation. In fact, I'm on my way out the door right now to get her help in teaching the little man to latch once and for all. It is beyond the utmost of importance that we get him taking in breastmilk now. I can't bear to see my little man go through this horrible constipation again.
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Sunday, February 05, 2006
GAH!!!!
This evening the lowercase wanted to eat sooner than his three hours. He was crying and writhing in my arms -- kind of like a squirmy puppy that you just can't keep a grip on.
I managed to feed him between 2 1/2 and 3 ounces, then he wanted more. He took another ounce. But he was still squirming like crazy and crying.
Mr. W held him and finished off the bottle with him while I pumped and then they both fell asleep. Mr. W got up, put him in his cradle and then we all went to bed.
Mr. W and I were still awake, lying in bed talking when the fun began.
The lowercase began wriggling, then crying in his sleep, then farted the loudest fart ever. Lather, rinse, repeat. About 50 times.
So, I had Mr. W call the pediatrician's on call number. They said he's now big enough for the full dose of Mylicon, so Mr. W ran next door to the store to buy some (Oh, how I love living behind the access road for a 24-hour Wegman's! I thought I would hate it when we moved in, but damn is it great!).
They also said that one sure way to help ease a baby's tummy ache is to give him a bath. Apparently the movement of the water over their body and their ability to be free and wiggly will help whatever is trapped in their system work its way through.
So, at 1:11 am it was bath time. By 1:30, dosing with Mylicon. By 1:40 -- massive baby pooping everywhere!!!
And now Mr. W is holding the baby skin-to-skin in order to get his body temperature back up to normal. We'll also give him his 2 am feeding before going to bed. And by sheer virtue of our being awake right now, it will feel like we've slept through the night when he next wakes up to eat. Or something.
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Thursday, February 02, 2006
Baby W Photo Update!
Baby W finally fits in newborn clothes!
Drying off after a bath...
Lounging in his robe...
-- Mr. W
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Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Random thoughts
It's been a rather busy week so far and it's not over yet.
Monday I had to take the lowercase to have his eye exam. We got mixed news. He has no ROP in his right eye. His left eye, however, is still immature. This means we have to go back and have his eyes dilated and checked in a month. Thankfully they will only dilate the left eye.
Today he had to get his Synagis shot (for those who don't know, this is the medication to help lessen the severity of RSV should he come in contact with it).
My poor little man was VERY upset with the shot. Afterwards, we bumped into the family who were one bed over from us in the NICU. Their son came home on apnea/brady monitors and was being seen at the pulmonary clinic one waiting room over. We talked to them for several minutes before walking across the hospital to the NICU.
We got to visit with three of the nurses that my son had as well as one of the lactation consultants. It was really nice to see them. Strange how you miss things like that.
While I was pregnant, I went to the same doctor as a woman carrying triplets. She was infertile and twelve years ago underwent IVF. She carried triplets that time as well. Twelve years ago she went into labor at 24 1/2 weeks and delivered two girls and a boy. The boy was the sole survivor and he has some developmental issues (I believe he has CP and also is prone to seizures). They told me they swore they would never do it again, but then, 12 years later they did. And she carried triplets, two boys and a girl, to 24 1/2 weeks when she went into labor. (They said she carried the exact amount of time to the hour both times). I had been wondering about them and today found out that there is only one baby left in the NICU. Now, of their three, one was really sick, one was having some preemie issues and the third was a superstar. I plan to go to their online baby registry and send a little something to their house just to let them know I'm thinking of them.
My little man weighed in at 6 lb 13.5 oz today. I couldn't believe it. He's getting to be so big!
I'm still attempting the breastfeeding thing. To be honest, it's going better than it was. He is more consistent with solid mature suckling. He nurses using the largest nipple shield (the theory being that the larger shield makes him open wider and will thus allow him to take in more breast tissue when we make the transition away from the shield) for 30-45 minutes at every day time feeding followed by a bottle of either breastmilk or formula. After nursing, he takes only about 1 to 1 1/2 oz (30 - 60 ml). If he takes a bottle only, as we do during the nighttime feedings, he takes about 2 - 3 1/2 oz. He is consistently gaining weight and is in good health all around. I feel more at peace with things right now. My lactation consultant feels good about things. We decided today that we would let him have until Monday to get even better at nursing and we will talk then. At that point, we will start planning how to work him away from the shield all together.
I'm on my last full-dose day of Reglan, the medication that is helping me produce milk at a great enough volume for him. Tomorrow and Friday are "weaning" days from that. I'm terrified that by Saturday I will be producing nothing. To prevent that from happening, I plan to pump like a fiend. I'm currently pumping five times a day (after every daytime feeding but not the 3 night feedings) and am getting a total of 3 oz per day. Since this is in addition to the amount he takes directly from me, that's a bit over a half-ounce extra per feeding. Not great, but satisfactory and it does indicate that I'm producing enough for his needs right now. Monday at noon I have an appointment with a new OB/GYN and will hit her up for a new prescription -- preferrably one that will continue until I give up on nursing my son.
Speaking of...I hear a little man crying for me.
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It's been a rather busy week so far and it's not over yet.
Monday I had to take the lowercase to have his eye exam. We got mixed news. He has no ROP in his right eye. His left ey, however,
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