Friday, March 28, 2008

We're doing it. Sort of. Maybe.

We've reached a new agreement in the the W household. We are, potentially, going to try to have another baby.

That's right...Mr. W has agreed. Sort of.

As of now, we are going to consider using a gestational surrogate to have another child. Of course, we each had to compromise on this.

Mr. W has insisted that our GS has to be someone that we know -- we will not use an agency or classified ads to find someone. In theory I agree with this, however I also know that this is likely going to be the sticking point that prevents the whole thing from working. Primarily because I just don't know how to ask someone out of the blue if they would let us knock them up. But, assuming that this can be done, Mr. W is on board.

He is content to have just one child, so for him it isn't a big deal if a transfer were to be unsuccessful. He wanted to do just one transfer, but I felt like if we were going to do one, we had to do two. Basically, I think we've agreed to one fresh and one frozen cycle. However, that's not a guarantee. If the first cycle were to be successful, we would not do the second cycle. If the first and second were unsuccessful, we would be done -- there will be no third try.

Mr. W also decided that he does not want to donate any unused embryos -- he couldn't handle the thought of someone else with our genetic child. He also has qualms with donating them for research (it's complicated but boils down to something about a slippery slope of creating embryos specifically for research and how far those develop before being tested, etc...I don't get it, I just agreed since this was a sticking point).

In that same vein, he wants to transfer no more than 2 embryos per cycle since we really don't want to parent higher order multiples should all of them implant.

Now...any ideas as to how to find someone that we already know who has already had a child, is under the age of 35, has no history of pregnancy complications, and who would be willing to carry a baby (or possibly 2) for me?

How would all of you handle that type of situation? How would you approach someone? It's funny...it's sort of like we're moving forward on this one, but with the first limitation...it really might not be. I've got the benefit of being both hopeful and hopeless.

[ posted @ 3:32 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (4) ]
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Comments about my post, "We're doing it. Sort of. Maybe.":

Congrats on your decision! I'm a 2x gestational surrogate (retired) and I would suggest just being completely open and honest with everyone you know. Just put feelers out there - you never know who might be interested.

Tell your coworkers, family, friends that you are looking into surrogacy. If FATE is on your side, someone will suddenly appear that is interested in carrying. Honestly, being in the surrogacy community for a few years, I see this happen all the time.

Oh, and meet lots of new people :) That way if and when an opportunity arises, you can tell hubby that you know them :)

Good luck! It will all work out in the end.

[ Permalink ] posted by Anonymous : 9:38 AM

WOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I'm so excited for you and Mr. W. Can't wait to hear all the details this week!

[ Permalink ] posted by Anonymous : 8:51 PM

I found my way over here from Stirrup Queens. Mel dropped a pretty big hint to me that I should come respond! I am also a GS. I delivered a baby boy to my former intended parents March 2007 and I am currently nearing the end of my 2ww with a new couple.

I agree with Rayven's suggestion to just be honest and open with those close to you first. Make a list of people who you would feel comfortable carrying your child and then broach the subject with them delicately. I also would recommend having possible questions answered ahead of time so that if your candidates (for lack of a better word) need more information, you will have that knowledge readily available to them.

Is your DH opposed to placing ads because he is afraid of the unknown? That is completely understandable, but perhaps with more knowledge of the surrogacy process and matching independently he might feel more comfortable with searching outside the realm of known friends and family to find your GS. I have been matched with a total of three couples and I can honestly say that though we weren't friends before surrogacy brought us together, we are certainly like family and are surely close friends now. The matching process doesn't have to go any slower or faster than you want it to when matching indy, so you and your husband would have plenty of time to really get to know people before calling it a match and moving ahead.

If you are able to find a friend or family member, that's great! But if you'll need another card to play to widen your net a bit, you could start learning more about indy matches now so that you'll have an aresnal of information to possibly help Mr. W with placing or answering ads.

Surrogate Mothers Online (www.surromomsonline.com) is a very supportive community with surrogates, intended parents, and egg donors involved in all stages of the process. There is a trove of information on the message boards there. Even if you don't join to become an active poster (or even drop in long enough to ask a few questions), the archives there have a wealth of knowledge stored there and by doing searches, you can find the answer to nearly any surrogacy-related question you have. If you can't find in a search, there are lots of experienced people there to chime in and help out.

If you have any questions at all, feel free to email me or drop me a line at my blog! Good luck to you as you start on this journey!

[ Permalink ] posted by JW Moxie : 10:22 PM

Hi, I'm a fellow UUer who is in the contract process for gestational surrogacy. We found our GS through the classifieds on the site Kymberli mentioned. I agree with Rayven and Kymberli's suggestions: let everyone know that you plan to pursue surrogacy and you may be surprised at the response you get. I know that a friend of ours offered to be a GS for us in a year, but we preferred working with someone we did not know (of course, after getting together with her and her family a few times, we feel like we know her). I'm happy to answer any questions from the intended parent side.

[ Permalink ] posted by KH99 : 7:59 AM

Friday, March 14, 2008

Oh! My! Damn!

Wow...just...wow.

So, you all know that the mister and I have been on different pages in regards to ever having more children. Last week, while in Connecticut, he said to a co-worker who complimented our beautiful and well-behaved child (hahahahaha -- she caught us on a good day!) that he didn't think we'd have another one any time soon but that he was sure we would at some point. He smiled and said, "I'm sure she'll talk me into it."

Later that evening he said that if it weren't for the fact that our families would never speak to us again if we put them through the whole high-risk pregnancy followed by serious NICU time another time that maybe the discussion would be different.

So...I kind of sent a message to an RE with the general history of my four pregnancies, the outcomes, the vertical incision c-section. And today he answered my questions. He said that while he wouldn't tell me I couldn't have another successful pregnancy nor that I wouldn't carry as far or farther than I did with the lowercase, he also felt that a gestational carrier would be a very viable option and one that would present the lowest risk for all involved.

And of course we have insurance now that covers IVF procedures and meds. The only thing it wouldn't cover is the fee to pay a carrier -- that's some serious cash that we just don't have -- and her medical expenses.

But assuming we can find a volunteer and her insurance would cover the bills on her side without any surrogacy exclusions...

Then maybe, just maybe, we could have another baby (or two).

[ posted @ 11:28 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (1) ]
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Comments about my post, "Oh! My! Damn!":

Just so you know, most gestational surrogates' OWN health insurance will cover her pregnancy-related health care expenses. If you want to ask more questions as you look into this, please don't hesitate to contact me.

[ Permalink ] posted by Anonymous : 10:22 AM

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

How is this possible?

I know that I am much heavier than I was before the lowercase was born. The scale regularly tells me that I am 35 lbs above my normal weight. None of my pre-pregnancy clothes fit me. I get that I'm heavier.

What I don't get is how the new jeans I bought last week can be a size 6 and yet I still have a BMI that is considered "overweight." According to the lovely BMI chart at Weight Watchers, I need to lose 10 more pounds just to hit the top end of the healthy range.

Mind you, these are pounds I want to lose. Hell, I want to lose all 35 of the pounds I've put on since I got pregnant nearly 3 years ago!

My problem is that a body wearing a size 6 shouldn't be overweight. Growing up, a size 6 was THIN. I distinctly remember envying the girls who were a natural size 5 or 6 all through high school.*

Has vanity sizing really gotten so bad? What gives? And if it isn't in the sizing of the clothes, is the concept of body mass index the culprit? Because something is seriously wrong with this picture.

*I was a size 10 in 8th grade. And then came the disordered eating leading to a weight range of 82 to 98 lbs. It continued through college -- I weighed 88 lbs the day I met my husband 10 years ago. I finally got healthy, stayed around 110-115 and wore a size 4 instead of the size 2 jeans that were too big for me on that day in 1998. Obviously, I have a lot of issues with body image, weight and clothing sizes...hell...numbers in general as they relate to my body.

[ posted @ 1:34 PM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (1) ]
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Comments about my post, "How is this possible?":

either way, you look FABULOUS!!!!

[ Permalink ] posted by Anonymous : 9:02 PM

Better late than never

The last few weeks of our lives have been nothing short of crazy. I started this post 2 weeks ago and completely forgot about it until I sat down to write about our trip to Connecticut last week. That post will come tomorrow. Or, if this week is anything like the last 2...next month ;)

Mr. W had his last day of work.

The lowercase and I joined him for the afternoon. And, of course, since we were going to work, he had to take his laptop -- just like his daddy.

Congratulations, Daddy!

[ posted @ 10:34 AM ] [ Post a Comment ] [ View Comments (1) ]
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Comments about my post, "Better late than never":

Congratulations to Mr. W.

How does your little one like his computer? What brand is it, may I ask?

[ Permalink ] posted by AWG : 12:16 AM