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Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Houston, we have a plan!
I got the call today. All of my test results are in. Having now been tested for everything known to man, it has been determined that I am normal. NOR. MAL. As in not cosmically fucked. As in holy shit I could actually maybe carry a baby without my body killing it!
Dr. Thorough, my RE, said that my risk of future miscarriage is no higher than that of other pregnant women who have never miscarried. My endometrial biopsy was good. However, since I tend to ovulate on day 21 (and with my first pregnancy, all indications show that was roughly day 28), he does want to put me on Clomid to get ovulation to day 14 and a potentially more normal luteal phase.
I asked him about the risk of multiples associated with that, knowing that it is slim. It's still there and I do still have a unicornuate uterus where problems are likely in the 2nd trimester. He thinks it won't be a problem and said he wouldn't suggest it if he didn't think it would be beneficial. So, my period is due any day now and shortly thereafter I will begin my first Clomid cycle.
Now, you all may be thinking, "Wait -- didn't your husband move FIVE hours away from you already?" And yes, he did. And yes, I will be joining him in the end of May/beginning of June. But this is our plan. Call me crazy, but it just might work.
Since we found out about the unicornuate uterus, we knew that I would be referred to a perinatologist for the second trimester. I don't know any doctors where my husband lives. If we can get me knocked up right away, I could potentially make it through the first trimester with Dr. P (for Perfect-for-me!). And, worse case scenario, another miscarriage--I'm dealing with a hospital that I know and trust and doctors that I know and trust. Plus, I know that they'll let me have as many visits with the Walter the Wand Monkey as I want/need. For those of you doing the math at home, I know that I technically will not be out of the first trimester by the end of May. However, I will be driving down here for one last grad class every Tuesday am and staying through Friday am -- perfect for scheduling appointments, que no? Further, through August, I will be here on a semi-regular basis for meetings with my thesis advisor until that is accepted and my degree is issued. So...in short...
Going to get my ass knocked up (interesting visual there!) ASAP! Going to make it through the first tri without a hitch! Going to transfer doctors at peri time!
I haven't been happy like this in I can't tell you when. While there is still the fear of miscarriage since we don't know why, I prefer to look at it this way: It's a flip of the coin and sometimes you can get tails 3 times in a row; that doesn't mean you always will.
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Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Don't I feel sheepish!
For those of you have just linked over here from the lovely Amalah, I'd just like to state that I am not always this much of a basket case. Though lately, it seems that is the only time that I post. Must rectify that!
If you emailed me or IM'd me with a kind word, please know that I appreciate it. I've been in a really low place this month while waiting on test results, waiting to find out what our next step is going to be, and finding out that so many around me have gotten pregnant while I do nothing. So thank you. I appreciate it. And I love that so many of you are willing to kick the ass of a pregnant woman for being completely clueless. Thank you Internet! I love you!
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It had to happen some time
My "friend" messaged me today. If I weren't crying, I'd link to the post I wrote about her on August 7.
She decided, while I was at work, with no warning whatsoever to tell me that she is pregnant and due in October. I lost my shit at work. I ran crying from my desk to the bathroom. I'm such a mess.
She's on medication for epilepsy and has had the dosage dropped to a level that might keep her from having seizures and might not harm her baby.
And I'm not happy for her. I'm fucking pissed. I am mad as hell. She didn't even want a baby until after she found out I was trying. But her husband didn't want a baby. He didn't agree to start trying until after I'd already miscarried two. And yet she's in this race with me. My first pregnancy she told me she was going to be better at being pregnant than I am because "I don't like things that are caffeinated or anything diet so I won't be introducing those toxic chemicals to my baby." And then my baby died at 10 weeks and she told me that I shouldn't have told anyone before 12 weeks, everybody knows that! She actually followed that gem up with "I hope you've learned your lesson!" Sadly, while she hurts me, she's seriously THAT stupid and clueless. She literally honestly does NOT know that these are the wrong things to say. It doesn't excuse it, but it's the only reason I do not hate her completely. It just is NOT FUCKING FAIR that she gets a baby and I don't. It's not.
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6:27 PM
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Tuesday, March 08, 2005
Things I did in the last 24 hours
- Last night I took a friend home from grad school after convincing her that the "funny gas like pains" that were coming and going were actually contractions. She came to class having just found out she was 50% effaced. And yet she questioned whether the odd feelings meant anything. When one of them had her doubled over? I forced her to gather her things and took her home.
- I panicked at work NON-STOP about getting my period when my biopsy is tomorrow. (For the record? No period yet)
- I had an anxiety attack when my husband told me that he got the job in Western New York--and that his start date is March 28 or 29.
- I had to dig through the snow to open the hatch on my beetle for the snow brush/scraper that I put in my trunk yesterday when it was FIFTY degrees.
- I spent an hour clearing the rest of the snow and ice from my car.
- I realized my right hand was more than just a little cold.
- I got home and watched the fingers on that hand swell so rapidly I seriously thought they would rupture. (And I still don't have full feeling in them. Yes, I think I actually got frostbite THROUGH MY GLOVES on that hand. Only a few small pin-sized spots have strange looking skin now.
- I worried incessantly about my husband as his commute home took over 5 hours; lots of stops due to ice, then he became one of six cars to get a flat tire hitting the same iced-over pot hole -- which he changed himself despite my begging him to call AAA.
- I ate sushi for dinner and immediately became violently ill -- my call on this? Nerves. Too much change for me to deal with right now. I'll post something real when I can think again.
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